CDSOC

13 Tips for Talking with Your Children About Your Separation and Divorce

May 12, 2021 By CDSOC

by Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT
www.DivorcePeacemaking.com

The following tips will help you prepare to talk with your children about your separation and divorce. You care about doing the best you can for your children because you are reading this article. Give yourself permission not to be perfect. No one is. This is a stressful time for all of you. Remember to keep taking slow, deep breaths — you and your children will get through this difficult time.

Agree on a time when you both can be present to talk with your children together. Siblings need the support they can provide each other. Divorce is a major life crisis for all family members. Treat it as such. Ideally, it is best to share the news with your children when they have adequate time to absorb what you will be telling them, for example, when they do not have to go back to school in a day or two after hearing the news.
Plan your presentation to your children in advance. Make some notes about what you plan to say and review them to be familiar with what you intend to say. Anticipate what they may say to you. You can have the notes in front of you if you wish and say, “We have made some notes because what we are going to be talking about is very important for all of us, and we don’t want to forget anything.” Remember that your children will likely be in emotional shock after you tell them your intentions to end your marriage, and they will not be able to absorb everything you say this first time. Be prepared to have the same conversation with them numerous times. Their shock and grieving will interfere with them being able to take in all you are sharing.
First, tell your children that you love them very much, that you will always love them and always be their parents. Assure them that they will continue to have both parents’ emotional support and love in the newly restructured family.
Tell them that the two of you have decided not to be married anymore and live in different homes because you have adult problems between you that you have tried to solve but haven’t been able to. Avoid using the word “divorce” because it is laden with negative connotations. Assure your children that this is NOT THEIR FAULT. Children often automatically assume it IS their fault.
Avoid saying that you don’t love each other anymore. Children then think that their parents could also stop loving them one day, which could unsettle them and the stable foundation of having two loving parents.
Avoid blaming each other. Now is the time for the two of you to have a united front with your children. Remember that this news will shatter their view of their family as they have known it. Blaming each other puts them in the middle of your pain and conflict, causes them to experience divided loyalty, feel that they need to choose sides, and feel guilty for loving both of you. Children often report that they hated being put in this position and feeling that each parent attempted to form an alliance with them against the other parent.
Next, tell them what is going to remain the same. Tell them that you are all still family, that you will always be their parents, and that you will always love them. Tell them you intend to be friendly so that you can both attend their activities and family gatherings and not create tension for them, for other family members, or their friends. Tell them if one of you intends to stay in the family home if you know this. Assure them that they will be remaining in their same schools, same activities, etc., if this is true. If you don’t yet know all that will remain the same, it is ok to tell them that. Assure them that you will tell them when you do know more about what will stay the same.
Next, tell them what is not going to remain the same. Tell them if you both will be moving into new homes and, at the appropriate time, that they can be involved in seeing the new homes or looking for them with you after you have narrowed your choices down to two options. It’s important to be neutral and factual. Resist being a victim or a martyr. It will only make them feel guilty.
If they ask you a question you don’t know the answer to yet, for example, “Will we stay in this house?” it’s ok to tell them you don’t know the answer to that question, and when you do, you will tell them.
Remember that you are still their parents. It is your job to put their feelings above yours and provide them with the support they need to hear, feel, and understand what you share with them. Acknowledge that you realize the announcement is a shock and that their feelings (anger, sadness, grief, shock, etc.) are ok. Focus on and be empathetic with THEIR feelings. Don’t talk about YOUR feelings, e.g., how you haven’t been happy for years, how you deserve to be happy, etc. Having just received such painful news, they will be unable to express their happiness for you, and it is unreasonable for you to expect them to do so. Remember, what you are telling them is rocking their familial foundation and rewriting their family history. They are losing their “family nest.”
Tell them that you still believe in family and that you hope they will too. Tell them that you don’t expect them to take care of you emotionally or physically. That is your job, not theirs.
Avoid telling them that you stayed together or delayed restructuring your family because of them. This will make them feel guilty for your unhappy marriage. Depending on their ages, they may already be recalling their childhood memories and wondering: “What was real and what wasn’t real? Were you really happy on those family vacations?” Divorce destabilizes the family system and inevitably shakes every family member’s perception of their past, present, and future.
Assure them that this will be a process for all of you to move through, at your own pace and in your own way. Assure them that you will always love them and always be there for them in whatever ways will be most helpful to them. You want them to know that they aren’t alone, so they don’t become isolated and depressed. Encourage them to speak with a counselor or youth pastor about their feelings. Tell them you intend to talk with a counselor and that you will all get through this together.

How to Have a Peaceful and Successful Divorce

May 10, 2021 By CDSOC

How do you avoid the trauma of divorce – the battle, the fighting which can endure for many months or years, and the constant argument and opposition to a partner whom you once loved or even still care about?

What does it mean to have a peaceful and successful divorce? How do you discuss and create solutions to divide your assets and debts; share the parenting of your children who are not yet adults or still in school; and calculate a fair distribution of earnings to support two households?

Mental health professionals tell us that when we are angry, in trauma, and emotional, that we are not thinking with the best, problem-solving parts of our brains. How are we able to master our emotions to think rationally and to creatively develop solutions and a new sense of purpose? How can we recreate some of the empathy that we formerly had for our spouse to create a base for teamwork, connection, and solution?

Through an out-of-court process of collaborative divorce, working with a collaborative team of professionals, it is possible to transition from battle to cooperative settlement. It is also possible to save months of court litigation by selecting a collaborative divorce alternative.

At this difficult time when court proceedings have been put on hold, and are unpredictable, resolving a divorce case out of court is generally faster because Husband and Wife control the speed of the process and are not subject to the court’s closure(s), reduced staff, and unpredictable scheduling.

Find out how you and your spouse can have a peaceful and successful divorce by contacting a Collaborative Divorce Solutions divorce professional.

Our Collaborative Process… A More Peaceful Way to Divorce

April 15, 2021 By CDSOC

The Collaborative Divorce Process is a respectful, peaceful and dignified process that is designed to ensure that the participants and their children successfully transition to the next chapter of their lives. In the Collaborative Process, the clients retain maximum control over the outcome of their case, as opposed to turning over the decision-making to a judge who does not have intimate knowledge of their particular family.

All of our members are committed to the Collaborative Process, a non-adversarial approach designed to resolve family law conflicts in a mutually-beneficial manner. Collaborative attorneys are specialists in settling disputes. Clients and professionals work together respectfully, and in good faith, to gather the information needed to reach an agreement. The goal is to achieve a “win/win” outcome for all participants.

Typically, clients and professionals meet together to discuss all issues, plan for information gathering and make interim arrangements, as necessary. A team will be assembled based on the individual participants’ needs. The team may consist of two collaborative attorneys and the clients, or can include attorneys, communication coaches, child specialists (both roles are filled by mental health professionals), and a neutral financial specialist. Information gathered will be shared with the other clients and team members in order to clarify each participant’s interests, and to stimulate ideas for possible solutions. All communications made during the Collaborative Process remain confidential, and will not be used as evidence if the case later goes to court.

The clients, through their collaborative attorneys agree to voluntarily provide necessary documents and information early in the process which serves to drastically reduce the cost of the formal discovery that is often a hallmark of litigated divorces. Full disclosure and open communication at every stage of the Collaborative Process facilitates a faster and more satisfying resolution than if the matter had been litigated in court.

A settlement that meets the approval of both clients can then be fashioned and memorialized in a written agreement that is filed with the court. This method of collaboratively handling conflict is designed to minimize hostility, and to foster a more cordial relationship in the future.

The guiding principles of the Collaborative Process are particularly well-suited to issues of family law and divorce. All clients and Collaborative Professionals agree at the outset that the case will not be litigated, If the case cannot be settled, the attorneys and other professionals must withdraw, and the attorneys will assist the participants in finding new attorneys to help them resolve the case through the traditional court system. Even in these cases, useful groundwork will have been laid for a more effective way for clients to work cooperatively, and to resolve their differences in the future.

The Role of the Financial Professional… After 1995 If You Live in Ireland

March 12, 2021 By CDSOC

By Amy Clews, CPA, CDFA, CVA, CFE Addleman & Associates
www.addlemancpas.com

Why do we need a financial neutral in our Divorce?

The month of March is upon us, and many of us are looking forward to St. Patrick’s Day and celebrating all things Irish; however, did you know divorce in Ireland was not even legal until 1995? And if you’re struggling with the six-month waiting period in California, imagine waiting three years in Ireland where divorcing couples must live apart for two of the last three years before they can divorce.

How will a family potentially support two households both temporarily and in the long-term when finances are separate? How will an equitable settlement be achieved so the family can move forward amicably? These are only a few of the financial questions divorcing couples must consider.

In the collaborative process, the financial professional is there to help the couple address financial issues such as: 1) assisting with gathering financial documents, 2) preparing financial analyses, 3) presenting financial analyses to the collaborative team and the couple, and 4) assisting with financial planning for the future. The financial professional will help you plan for the agreements that you decide will work best for your family moving forward.

The financial professional is able to help with various financial analyses depending on your financial needs. Some of these analyses include…

Assisting with Gathering Financial Documents

The financial professional will provide a document request list that details the information and documents requested to complete your financial analyses.

Marital Balance Sheet

What do you own and what do you owe? An assets and debts analysis will help the divorcing couple determine what needs to be divided after considering the tax implications of those assets. For instance, it is important to consider a retirement account is not equal to a cash account.

Income Analysis

How much income is available to provide spousal and child support? An income analysis determines what historical income levels have been for the family. Income sources can include many items such as wages, business income, interest income, dividend income, tax-exempt income, equity awards, and other sources of income.

Needs Analysis

How much money do you need to pay your expenses? A needs analysis is essentially a budget. This budget looks at historical spending and estimates future spending as well.

Tracings

Do you have separate property that is included in your marital balance sheet? If so, tracing may need to be completed to determine the source of monies used for a current asset.

Business valuation

What is our business worth? The financial professional can help determine the value of the business and provide alternatives for owning that business going forward.

Projections

What does my financial future look like? During the collaborative process, the financial professional can assist in researching different financial alternatives to see how different agreements may affect your financial future.

The collaborative process allows you to find your solutions that serve your family. These creative solutions would not be offered in a true litigation environment. A collaborative process also keeps your financial information confidential, which can help heal your family as it moves on to the next chapter.

Creative Divorce Solutions: Thinking Outside The Box

January 8, 2021 By CDSOC

By Jennifer Webb Gordon, CFLS

“Why divorcing couples should consider creative solutions in their divorce”

If you are contemplating divorce you probably want to know “what you are legally entitled to.” This is the most common question asked by new clients, who often tell me “I just want what I’m entitled to.”

It is natural to want information to help with divorce planning and to set expectations.

Since divorce is a legal process, people turn to “legal entitlements” as a measuring stick.

What most couples contemplating divorce don’t realize is the restrictive range of outcomes available through the court system. Judges are limited by the laws that exist at the time you arrive in court. Laws change, and what is true today may not apply next year or next month. One recent example is the tax deductibility of spousal support (alimony) payments. Up until January 2019, spousal support payments were tax deductible to the party paying and taxable to the recipient. Today, the payment of spousal support is no longer deductible on federal returns. Similarly, the spouse who receives spousal support is no longer required to claim the amount as income on their federal tax return. This is just one example of how the landscape of the law is subject to change. While understanding your legal rights is important, engaging in creative problem solving will often result in better outcomes for both parties, and the entire family.

Creative solutions can apply to parenting plans as well as allocation of income and apportioning assets and liabilities. Below are just a few examples of creative solutions that worked for other couples which a court would not have been able to order without their prior agreement.

Creative Parenting Plans – Nesting

The typical custody orders handed down by the court provides for the children to alternate time with each parent in that parent’s home based on a standard time share schedule. Sometimes parents alternate weekly or have a 2/2/3 alternating time share.

Some co-parents are choosing innovative arrangements to keep their children from feeling some of the effects of divorce and the disruption caused by having to transition back and forth between two homes. A nesting arrangement means the children stay in the family home after the divorce. It’s the parents who take turns living with the children; the adults shuffle back and forth. This type of arrangement is typically for a limited period of time and allows everyone to adjust and prepare for a new family structure in 2 households.

Nesting isn’t for every family. It takes a great deal of cooperation between co-parents to make this arrangement work, and sometimes the cost of maintaining separate homes precludes many from exploring this option at all. But for parents who have good communication skills and are able to resolve conflicts productively, it can be a win for the children. This is not an arrangement that can be ordered by the court, however, parents can plan creatively to meet the needs of their children during a divorce.

Using Retirement Funds Creatively

Transferring retirement funds earned during marriage from one party to another is commonly done as part of the dissolution process without incurring taxes or penalties to either party. Employer sponsored plans such as 401(k) plans require a special court order called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). However, this means the funds stay in pre-tax retirement accounts and are not available, for example, to satisfy consumer credit debt or for use as a down payment on a home.

Couples who have ample retirement but are cash strapped and want to use retirement funds for these or other purposes, may find relief in Internal Revenue Code §72(t)(2)( c) which exempts early distributions from the 10% additional tax if those withdrawals are made as a result of a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO). It can become a key issue because the interests of participants in employer-sponsored retirement plans are often one of their largest assets next to equity in their home.

Take for example the recent situation where each party had $125,000 in an employer sponsored retirement plan which they had earned during marriage. Typically, each party would retain his/her own plan since the plans were of similar value. In this case, however, the parties had incurred substantial consumer debt, with each party assuming over $45,000 in debt as part of the divorce. Both parties wanted to eliminate the high monthly payments so they could better provide for their children’s needs after the divorce.

Utilizing IRC §72(t)(2)( c), each party was awarded a portion of the others retirement plan, divided through a QDRO. Each party withdrew the portion awarded to them from the other’s retirement and used those funds to satisfy the debt, giving each a fresh start.

You should always discuss cashing out retirement funds with your CPA or Tax Attorney as it may not be the right solution for everyone.

Medical Insurance – Delaying Termination of Marital Status to Extend Health Benefits

Many couples worry about the loss of health insurance after divorce when they are covered under their spouses health plan. Once a dissolution is entered and the parties are restored to the status of single persons, the former spouse will not be eligible to be covered on the former spouse’s plan. The cost of obtaining individual health plans can be daunting. Even when coverage is available, the plan benefits may be inferior.

Couples utilizing a Collaborative process or Mediation are sometimes able and willing to structure the termination of their marriage in order to afford the other party time to obtain insurance. This doesn’t require delay in filing the final agreement in your case. Once you have reached an agreement, if you both concur, you can have all the other provisions of the agreement signed by the court and still provide that you will remain legally married for a period of time after the agreement is filed in the court.

In one case, the cost of providing health insurance was taken into consideration in the negotiations and the wife agreed to delay termination of the status of the marriage for a period of 7 months after the Judgment was entered.

Although individual insurers have different rules about covering a spouse from whom you are physically separated, most allow coverage until the status of the marriage itself is terminated.

Creative Solutions for your Family

The above represent just a few of the many creative solutions available. Out of court processes such as Collaborative Divorce and/or Mediation encourage parties to design unique solutions that best fit their own situation. With the assistance of trained professionals, the parties engage in brainstorming creative approaches to restructuring their family. This allows for the ability to “Think Outside the Box”, to be creative in determining the financial arrangements and parenting plans that work for your family.

The Best Kept Secret to a Successful Collaborative Divorce: Utilizing Coaches, Child Specialists and Financial Neutrals to Focus on Interests and Manage Emotions

December 2, 2020 By CDSOC

By Paula J. Swensen, Esq.

As family law collaborators and mediators, we know all too well how the emotional aspects of a divorce can threaten to derail what often begins as a stable and effective process toward a peaceful resolution of our clients’ family law disputes.

Clients come to us for help in resolving their family law matters with the hope and intention of staying out of court. This is a laudable goal, and most everyone comes with the highest intention of achieving that goal. But then, something quite predictable happens… and if we collaborative professionals are not ready for it, the entire process can be unexpectedly hijacked, thereby posing a threat to the successful outcome for our clients and their families. The ‘something’ that invariably shows up is our clients’ deeply held emotions about the unraveling of their marriages, including all of the uncertainty and fear that accompany such momentous changes in a person’s life circumstances. As we know, once strong emotions enter the picture, it is quite challenging to remain in option-creation and problem-solving mode during the collaborative or mediation process. However, that is what we must do, relying effectively upon our best kept secret, the “neutrals”.

Who Are the Neutrals?

We refer to the “neutrals” as those members of the collaborative team that are exactly that — neutral. They are not advocating for either client, but rather, they serve to facilitate the successful outcome of a collaborative divorce through their professional roles as: financial neutral, child specialist, or as a single coach for both clients.

Why So Many People?

We are often asked, “why do I need so many people in my collaborative process”? Understandably, prospective clients new to the collaborative process are wary of paying “so many” different professionals on the collaborative team. It soon becomes clear to our clients just how invaluable the neutrals are to the successful outcome of a collaborative divorce. Because the effective use of neutrals often dictates the likelihood of success, they are indeed, the “best kept secret” of the collaborative process.

Most clients do not think twice about the necessity of employing and paying for a lawyer to advocate on their behalf in a divorce. While we lawyers enjoy a vital role on the team, it is often the work of the neutrals that makes the difference between a successful outcome or one that falls short. Why? Because sometimes when clients get stuck in the mud over a challenging issue, their advocates get stuck right along with them. While this is certainly not desired, it is not uncommon for an advocate to get caught up in the strong emotions of his or her client during the divorce process. It often takes someone who is not advocating for either client to better explore and explain options for breaking an impasse so that the matter may continue to move forward. In this way, the neutral can play an instrumental role to enable the clients to reach a mutually-satisfying resolution.

When and How Are the Neutrals Best Utilized?

Question: When is the best time to utilize the neutral professionals? Answer: Early and often. It is highly recommended that the neutral professionals be made part of the collaborative team at the commencement of collaborative process. In this way, they show up at the “collaborative table” as equal members of the collaborative team along with the lawyers. This pays dividends throughout the process as the neutrals are vested, from the outset, with no less credibility and gravitas than their legal counterparts. This allows the clients to have confidence in the input of the neutrals from the very beginning.

Our neutral professionals fulfill a vital role when it comes to managing and overcoming the emotional obstacles presented in a divorce. For example, where an impasse can arise over the amount of support or whether the couple should sell the family home, the financial neutral can often be the secret weapon in helping the couple to break the impasse. Where a spouse can get bogged down in all of the emotion surrounding wanting to stay in the marital residence, the financial neutral can explain the numbers in such a way as to help a client to visualize whether staying in the home presents a viable option or not. The input of the neutral is future-focused and geared toward helping to solve the problem, rather than in furtherance of any position. The coach or child specialist operates in the same manner. They bring credibility, option-creation and problem-solving to the table in a way that the clients can trust in their unbiased input, especially if the neutrals have been involved from the outset of the collaborative process.

Neutrals-The Secret to Success

As has been proven, the collaborative model works so well because all of the members of the collaborative team play a critical role in the success of the collaborative process. We know that emotions can run high during a divorce. We also know that emotions can get in the way of rationality, and the ability to access the cognitive areas of our brain, which is critical for effective problem-solving. That is precisely why the use of neutrals is one of the best-kept secrets to success. As impartial and unbiased members of the team, they are best-suited to help clients move past the emotion of a given impasse, and to focus on feasible options to obtain an optimal outcome for their families.

Five Important Financial Issues in Military Divorce

October 30, 2020 By CDSOC

By Kristine Rushing, CFP®, CDFA® Intro: There are many considerations in divorce, but those experiencing military divorce have some additional things to think about. Here are five issues military spouses should be aware of.

Along with cooler weather and thoughts of Thanksgiving, November also brings Veterans Day, providing an opportunity to honor and thank those who have served in the United States Armed Forces. For many, that service has required personal sacrifices, from family challenges to the ultimate sacrifice. Whether during war or peacetime, events such as frequent moves, multiple deployments, isolation, stress of war, injuries, and returns to civilian life can all cause stress and anxiety for service members, spouses and their children. While the military branches offer programs to support relationships, divorce becomes a reality for many. Like their civilian counterparts, military spouses will need to determine a co-parenting plan, asset and debt division, and child/spousal support. However, those experiencing a military divorce need to be aware of some special rules.

1. Jurisdiction and State Law

Generally speaking, a spouse may file for divorce in the state where either spouse legally resides, with minimum residency requirements. However, the laws and treatment of property varies from state to state and there are some other factors pertaining to jurisdiction for military spouses, especially if divorcing while the service member is overseas. When there are questions about this it would be wise to consult with a knowledgeable attorney. For the most part, all other aspects of the property division, co-parenting, and child or spousal support follow state law similar to a civilian divorce. However, the “Service Members Civil Relief Act,” or SCRA, allows active-duty service members to file a Motion to Stay Proceedings which, if granted, causes a delay of 90 days, plus possible extensions.

As with civilian divorce, one of the most important decisions a couple has to make is which process to use. There are four major options: DIY/Kitchen Table, where couples sit down and reach their own settlement agreement; Mediation, where couples hire a neutral professional to assist them with the negotiations; Collaborative Divorce, where each party has their own legal representation, one or more divorce coaches/therapists, a neutral financial advisor, and perhaps a child specialist, all working together in a team approach; and Litigation, where parties cannot agree and ask the court to decide the outcome. Whenever possible, either mediation or collaborative divorce are recommended. These usually provide the most efficient process and set the parties up for more effective co-parenting and healing post-divorce.

2. Dividing Military Retirement

Military pensions are considered a marital asset and the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act (USFSPA) allows for division, though it is not necessarily required. Technically, it is the “disposable retired pay” that is subject to division, which is the gross retired pay less deductions for disability pay benefits and Survivor Benefit Plan premiums. Spouses may divide the pension or, instead, arrange a full or partial off-set via lump sum payment in cash or other assets to the non-service member spouse. The option for a lump sum or off-set is more common in short term marriages and requires a pension valuation to determine the present value of the off-set amount.

Those divorcing after retirement use a straight-forward coverture formula to determine the marital portion: months of marriage overlapping military service ÷ total months of military service at the time of retirement. For those divorcing prior to retirement, there is still a coverture fraction, calculated as a percentage of the service months overlapping marriage based on the total service months at the time of dissolution. However, it is applied to the hypothetical retirement benefit the service member would have received based on pay at the time of dissolution rather than actual retirement.

With the implementation of the new Blended Retirement System (BRS) in 2018, many service members receive automatic contributions and possible matching to a Thrift Savings Plan (TSP), a defined contribution account. The TSP operates much like many private company 401(k) plans do, allowing service members to leave the military with those TSP retirement benefits before serving a full 20 years, even if they choose to forego the pension benefits.

3. Getting the Retirement Division Done Right

Once the non-military spouse’s retirement benefit allocation has been determined, there are two ways in which the actual division and payment administration can take place. If qualified according to the “10/10 Rule,” the benefit payments for the non-military spouse may be issued directly from the Defense Finance Accounting Service (DFAS). The 10/10 Rule refers to the provision within the USFSPA which allows for this direct payment to a non-service member spouse as long as the pension division results from a marriage lasting ten years or more, which also overlapped service by ten years or more. A Military Pension Division Order (MPDO) must be carefully completed and submitted to DFAS. Retirement divisions that do not qualify for direct DFAS administration and payment according to the 10/10 Rule must be handled directly between the parties.

There are additional considerations for survivor benefits and disability pay. The Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) is an annuity program allowing the service member to provide continued income to a surviving beneficiary in the event of their death. Only one beneficiary may be designated, and if the intention is to name the former spouse, it must completed in a timely manner.

Unlike the military pension, which is a defined benefit plan, division of the TSP is more straight forward. Once the amount or percentage being allocated to the non-service member spouse is determined, and after the divorce is final, the account funds may be transferred into another retirement account in the non-service member’s name, such as an IRA, with a Retirement Benefits Court Order (RCBO). It is important that the terms be defined clearly and having a professional prepare this, as well as the MPDO mentioned above, is recommended.

4. Healthcare and Other Benefits

Tricare and care at military treatment facilities, as well as commissary and exchange privileges, may be available to the non-service member spouse in long-term marriages that overlap service. The USFSPA offers Full Coverage under the “20/20/20 Rule,” and Transitional Coverage under the “20/20/15 Rule.” The full coverage rule requires the spouses to have been married for at least twenty years, the service member must have at least twenty years of creditable service toward retirement pay, and that twenty years of marriage overlap twenty years of creditable service. The transitional coverage rule provides one year of medical coverage (no commissary or exchange privileges) have between fifteen and twenty of years of marriage overlap the years of creditable service.

5. Co-Parenting, Child Support, and Spousal Support

Child support is based on state law, including factors such as custody, time with each parent, and incomes. The Leave and Earnings Statement (LES) should be used to determine all forms of compensation, including Basic Allowance Housing (BAH), the value of on base housing, and other non-taxable in-kind compensation. While service members can face penalties from their commanding officer if delinquent on support payments, enforcement is typically handled by the state court system.

Like child support, spousal support, also called alimony, is determined according to state law. The USFSPA, however, limits the amount paid to a former spouse directly through DFAS to 65% of disposable retired pay, including up to 50% of pay for pension division and other garnishments such as alimony and child support. Considerations for the spousal support order may include the length of the marriage, the earning capacity of each spouse, age, and health.

While most of the issues facing military spouses in divorce are the same as their civilian counterparts, these specific concerns do need to be addressed carefully. Spouses should take advantage of the various resources available and consult with an attorney who specializes in military divorce when needed. Again, one of the most important decisions a divorcing couple must make is which process to use. Whenever possible, work together and consider mediation or a collaborative team approach, including attorney-mediators, a financial advisor, such as a CPA, CFP® or CDFA®, and therapists and/or coaches to provide accurate legal information and the best chance for effective co-parenting and healing post-divorce.

To all members of the U.S. Armed Forces, we honor you this Veterans Day and thank you for your service in defending our nation and protecting our freedom.

What is Effective Communication During a Divorce?

October 12, 2020 By CDSOC

A recommended article written by CDSOC member Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT, Collaborative Divorce Coach, Child Specialist, Mediator, and Trainer

“Couples who are considering separation and divorce often say that they had difficulty communicating during their marriage. Their communication is unlikely to improve during separation and divorce unless they learn more effective skills.”

Click the link below to read more:

https://collaborativedivorcecalifornia.com/what-is-effective-communication-during-a-divorce/