Listening To Understand Is Key for Effective Coparent Communication
This blog has been adapted from Dr. Carol Hughes' article published in Psychology Today, February 28, 2026 The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Key Points Misunderstood feelings can fuel conflict and distance after gray divorce Understanding does not mean agreement. It means listening without judgment. Feeling understood brings security, relief, and stronger bonds between parents and adult children. Listening to understand, not to reply, can reduce conflict in families of gray divorce. When couples 50 and … [Read More...]
Why Some Adult Children Become Estranged from Parents During and After Divorce
The estrangement of adult children from their divorcing parents is a complex and emotionally charged phenomenon that arises from a mix of emotional, psychological, and social factors. Divorce can disrupt familial bonds, creating ripples that affect immediate family members and multiple generations. However, repairing these fractured relationships is often possible with patience, dedication, and professional guidance. The Impact of Divorce on Family Dynamics Divorce, particularly among long-married couples, can place significant strain on relationships between parents and their adult children. With life expectancy increasing, divorcing parents may find themselves navigating family dynamics that span multiple generations, including children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. The reasons adult children may distance themselves during or after their parents' divorce are varied and often deeply personal. Here are some of the most common causes of estrangement and … [Read More...]
Divorce Solutions Where A Spouse Suffers From Mental Illness
Legal solutions exist for spouses who want a peaceful divorce, even where one of them suffers from serious emotional issues or mental illness. In a collaborative divorce and in some mediated divorce cases, the divorcing couple selects not only attorneys for legal help, but also mental health professionals as divorce coaches. These coaches assist with effective communication between the divorcing couple. As experienced marriage and family therapists or psychologists, they provide education and support to clients and professional team members to facilitate the educated and peaceful resolution of issues. Where one of the spouses suffers from mental illness, this may involve more heightened involvement of the divorce coaches. In many cases, depending upon the depth of emotional issues and even where mental illness exists, the clients’ goals can still be amicably achieved. Appointment of a Guardian Ad Litem in Collaborative Divorce or Mediation Cases: In cases where a … [Read More...]
New Research Finds The Lack Of Parent-Adult-Child Connectedness Negatively Impacts The Well-Being Of Parents Of Gray Divorce & Can Deliver A Severe Blow To Their Recovery.
For the past three decades, the divorce rate for those 50 and older, known as "gray divorce," has continued to climb in the U.S. and abroad. In 1990, 9% of persons getting divorced were aged 50 and older. By 2019, more than 36% of people getting divorced were at least age 50. Researchers predict that by 2030, the divorce rate for this population will grow by another third. Divorce is the second most stressful life event, second only to the death of a loved one. Divorce can undermine individual well-being. Research also indicates that most people are distressed long before the divorce begins and remain so several years after divorce. Research about adult children of divorce found that some adult children avoid parental conflict by reducing contact with their parents. Parent-Child Relationships and Parent Adjustment in Gray Divorce. Carol writes: Miriam, a 53-year-old successful businesswoman, shares her experience. "I can't believe I'm in this situation! About two years ago, … [Read More...]
Change The Way You Look At Navigating Divorce and Transforming Your Life in Post-Divorce
While it’s true that navigating the road of divorce can be bumpy and unpleasant, I firmly believe you have within you the power to ease some of the strain. I was divorced after 24-years of marriage and I know from personal experience that going through divorce can be mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing. I’m in the financial wellness business and I identify as a “Fiscal Fitness Coach”, it allows me to be unabashedly my authentic self. By employing the coach’s mindset, I have one mission and that’s the help people to better outcomes. It means I can say whatever I believe to be true if I have conviction that it’s in the best interest of those I serve. It also means that I don’t sell anything. People can take my advice or leave it. Although I know a great deal about financial planning and investments, it’s not the same thing as marital asset division. So, I turned lemons into lemonade by becoming a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA). My practice is focused on … [Read More...]
August is “National Make-a-Will” Month. Are You Ready?
Creating a legal life legacy plan can be daunting. Excuses like “I don’t really have anything”, “I’m young and healthy”, or “I’ve just never gotten around to it” can lead to heartbreak, stress, and costly court proceedings for our loved ones, should the unexpected happen. This is even more challenging if you are legally separated or divorced. Everything you worked to preserve can be turned over to your spouse or former spouse, if you don’t create a legal plan detailing your wishes. There are some common misconceptions and complications if you are legally separated compared with divorced. But, in either case, with some work, you can get your plan in order to protect yourself and your loved ones. Estate Planning when you are Legally Separated (still married) A legal separation differs from a divorce in that it does not end the marriage. While property like homes, cars, and financial accounts and certain legal obligations are resolved, the marriage stays in place. Whereas at … [Read More...]
Navigating Fear and Divorce
Introduction: Divorce is without doubt one of the most challenging experiences a person can get through. It involves emotional upheaval, uncertainty about the future, and the end of a once-cherished romantic partnership. Fear can become a constant companion during this journey, casting a shadow over decision-making and exacerbating existing conflicts. As a family law attorney with a focus on mediation and collaborative divorce, I have witnessed how fear can hinder the divorce process and impede the path to a peaceful resolution. When a couple is in litigation, they may soon find that all of their fears turn into reality but that does not need to be your story. In this article, I aim to shed light on the role of fear in divorce, its impact on individuals and families, and how mediation and collaborative divorce can help alleviate these fears and enable the spouses to be active participants in a path to peace. Fear is a natural response to uncertainty, loss, and change. In the … [Read More...]
Will I Ever Be Able To Co-Parent Effectively With My Toxic Ex-Spouse?
Coparenting with a toxic ex-spouse can be challenging, but it’s not impossible to find ways to navigate the situation effectively for the well-being of your children. Over 30 years of research indicate that that ongoing parental conflict increases children’s risk of psychological and social problems during and after divorce and into adulthood. The higher your conflict, the more likely your children will suffer. You may see them exhibiting symptoms like loss of energy, depression, anxiety, difficulty focusing, sleep disturbance, isolating from family and friends, and acting out. And some children outwardly seem “ok” but are struggling inwardly. Here are some suggestions that may help: Remember, effective coparenting may require time, patience, and perseverance. While it can be challenging, your commitment to creating a positive environment for your children can profoundly impact their well-being now and into the future. 1 BIFF for Coparent Communication by … [Read More...]
Divorced or Widowed: Incapacity or Death During your Divorce And How to Protect your Interests
Death is a certainty for everyone. Divorce is a certainty for roughly 48% of all Californians, according to recent studies. Divorce is also the second most traumatic event a person can experience; second to the loss of a loved one. People going through contested divorces often experience significant emotional and physical stress. So, it should come as no surprise when a spouse becomes incapacitated or passes away in the midst of their divorce. In one of my high-conflict mediations, the couple had finally reached agreements, the wife had already signed the judgment, but the husband missed his signing appointment. I later learned that he had a heart attack on the drive to my office and died. What happens with the divorce? DEATH OF ONE SPOUSE BEFORE THE MARRIAGE IS FORMALLY ENDED: If either spouse passes away before the judgment ending the marriage is entered, the family law court loses jurisdiction (legal authority) over all issues, except for those already formally decided … [Read More...]