Child Specialist

The Role of Minor’s Counsel in Litigation and in Collaborative Divorce

February 14, 2022 By Patty C. Van Haren

In high conflict litigated cases, a Judge will often appoint Minor’s Counsel in order to assist them in determining orders that are in the best interests of the child or children of the marriage. Minor’s Counsel is an attorney who represents the children. They are not a therapist or a custody evaluator, however they will gather evidence to present arguments to the Court as to what orders are best for their client or clients [the children]. Minor’s counsel is able to access the confidential records for the child such as medical records, educational records or any records from therapists that have been treating the child.

When I have been in the role of Minor’s Counsel, I try to meet with the child in a neutral setting such as a park or a setting that will be comfortable for them. If I know that they like animals, I may bring one of my dogs with me to the first meeting. My goal in the first meeting is to provide the child with a safe space so that they can talk to me. In most litigated cases, the child has been exposed to the conflict of the parents for a long time. They may be coached by one or both parents or fearful that what they say to me will be shared with the parents. I also schedule meetings with each of the parents individually and each of the parents with the child.

Often the parents are so engaged in their negative feelings towards the other parent that they lack insight as to the damage that the conflict is causing to their children. While I am meeting with the family, I am also gathering evidence from outside sources which can help me understand what is in the best interests of that child. If the child has a therapist, then I will speak with them. If one of the parents has been taking the child to therapy without the involvement of the other parent, the evidence obtained may be weighted less. If the parents do not have the child in therapy, I will often recommend that a therapist be put into place for the child so that they have ongoing care and a safe space that they can speak about the children.

Prior to a return hearing with the Court, I will discuss my recommendations with both parents together and the attorneys if they are represented. Generally, parties that are in litigation are so entrenched in their own positions and what they want or what they think is right that they are unable to see the impact that their hostility has on the children. While I do not share all that my client has told me, I will ask permission to share certain statements. It often surprises the parents to learn that their child loves both parents and wants to have time with both of them. If there are issues of addiction or abuse, then we are able to discuss how to maintain that relationship in a manner that is safe for the child. My goal in sharing my position with the parents prior to the hearing is to see if there is a way that we can come up with options and work out a parenting plan together that will be in the best interests of the children. Unfortunately, if we are not able to do this then I will present my case to the Court and the Judge will make orders based on evidence that is presented by each of the parents as well as my evidence that is presented. In litigated cases, my role may continue for several years as most parents are not happy with orders that are made by a Court.

In a Collaborative Case, the parties who choose to participate in this process are able to use minor’s counsel before significant damage has been done to the children. Minor’s counsel may be used in a collaborative case where the parents need additional assistance in communicating with each other or where there has been a history of domestic violence or substance abuse or where there are older children in their teenage years who want to have a voice in what their life will look like after the Divorce. In Collaborative cases, there is often a parent child specialist involved as well. My role in a Collaborative case is to be part of the entire team and to represent the interests of the children while continuing to work with the entire team to guide the family through the process without causing damage to the children. In a collaborative case, my role is to gather information to be shared with the team as opposed to a litigated case where I would be gathering evidence to be presented to the Court.

I conduct the children’s meetings in the same manner as I would in a litigated case, meeting on neutral ground and establishing rapport, I will also meet with the children and each of the parents alone. However, as we are in a collaborative process, I will meet with the parents and children together and just the parents together. I coordinate with the parent child specialist as they are going to be working with the parents on communication and assisting them in getting through the Divorce without damage to the children.

In team meetings, I am able to present options to be considered by the team as a whole and those options can be discussed with the parents, the coaches, attorneys and parent child specialist. The parent child specialist is also able to weigh in. In collaborative cases we are able to structure a parenting plan that works for the children and for the family and will enable them to avoid litigating issues in the future. My role as minor’s counsel ends at the time that the Collaborative case is concluded as parents who work together on a parenting plan are generally happy with that parenting plan and do not continue to litigate the issues.

Minor’s counsel can be a vital role in both litigated cases or collaborative cases where the children need to have a voice. Although the process varies, the role of Minor’s Counsel remains the same, to provide information about what is in the best interests of the children and to assist the children in having a voice in their parents Divorce.

The Best Kept Secret to a Successful Collaborative Divorce: Utilizing Coaches, Child Specialists and Financial Neutrals to Focus on Interests and Manage Emotions

December 2, 2020 By CDSOC

By Paula J. Swensen, Esq.

As family law collaborators and mediators, we know all too well how the emotional aspects of a divorce can threaten to derail what often begins as a stable and effective process toward a peaceful resolution of our clients’ family law disputes.

Clients come to us for help in resolving their family law matters with the hope and intention of staying out of court. This is a laudable goal, and most everyone comes with the highest intention of achieving that goal. But then, something quite predictable happens… and if we collaborative professionals are not ready for it, the entire process can be unexpectedly hijacked, thereby posing a threat to the successful outcome for our clients and their families. The ‘something’ that invariably shows up is our clients’ deeply held emotions about the unraveling of their marriages, including all of the uncertainty and fear that accompany such momentous changes in a person’s life circumstances. As we know, once strong emotions enter the picture, it is quite challenging to remain in option-creation and problem-solving mode during the collaborative or mediation process. However, that is what we must do, relying effectively upon our best kept secret, the “neutrals”.

Who Are the Neutrals?

We refer to the “neutrals” as those members of the collaborative team that are exactly that — neutral. They are not advocating for either client, but rather, they serve to facilitate the successful outcome of a collaborative divorce through their professional roles as: financial neutral, child specialist, or as a single coach for both clients.

Why So Many People?

We are often asked, “why do I need so many people in my collaborative process”? Understandably, prospective clients new to the collaborative process are wary of paying “so many” different professionals on the collaborative team. It soon becomes clear to our clients just how invaluable the neutrals are to the successful outcome of a collaborative divorce. Because the effective use of neutrals often dictates the likelihood of success, they are indeed, the “best kept secret” of the collaborative process.

Most clients do not think twice about the necessity of employing and paying for a lawyer to advocate on their behalf in a divorce. While we lawyers enjoy a vital role on the team, it is often the work of the neutrals that makes the difference between a successful outcome or one that falls short. Why? Because sometimes when clients get stuck in the mud over a challenging issue, their advocates get stuck right along with them. While this is certainly not desired, it is not uncommon for an advocate to get caught up in the strong emotions of his or her client during the divorce process. It often takes someone who is not advocating for either client to better explore and explain options for breaking an impasse so that the matter may continue to move forward. In this way, the neutral can play an instrumental role to enable the clients to reach a mutually-satisfying resolution.

When and How Are the Neutrals Best Utilized?

Question: When is the best time to utilize the neutral professionals? Answer: Early and often. It is highly recommended that the neutral professionals be made part of the collaborative team at the commencement of collaborative process. In this way, they show up at the “collaborative table” as equal members of the collaborative team along with the lawyers. This pays dividends throughout the process as the neutrals are vested, from the outset, with no less credibility and gravitas than their legal counterparts. This allows the clients to have confidence in the input of the neutrals from the very beginning.

Our neutral professionals fulfill a vital role when it comes to managing and overcoming the emotional obstacles presented in a divorce. For example, where an impasse can arise over the amount of support or whether the couple should sell the family home, the financial neutral can often be the secret weapon in helping the couple to break the impasse. Where a spouse can get bogged down in all of the emotion surrounding wanting to stay in the marital residence, the financial neutral can explain the numbers in such a way as to help a client to visualize whether staying in the home presents a viable option or not. The input of the neutral is future-focused and geared toward helping to solve the problem, rather than in furtherance of any position. The coach or child specialist operates in the same manner. They bring credibility, option-creation and problem-solving to the table in a way that the clients can trust in their unbiased input, especially if the neutrals have been involved from the outset of the collaborative process.

Neutrals-The Secret to Success

As has been proven, the collaborative model works so well because all of the members of the collaborative team play a critical role in the success of the collaborative process. We know that emotions can run high during a divorce. We also know that emotions can get in the way of rationality, and the ability to access the cognitive areas of our brain, which is critical for effective problem-solving. That is precisely why the use of neutrals is one of the best-kept secrets to success. As impartial and unbiased members of the team, they are best-suited to help clients move past the emotion of a given impasse, and to focus on feasible options to obtain an optimal outcome for their families.

No Drama Divorce… How to Manage Fear and Expectations in a Co-Mediated Divorce Process Using Collaboratively-Trained Professionals

February 28, 2020 By CDSOC

By Patrice Courteau, MA, LMFT and Paula J. Swensen, Esq.

The ending of a marriage can be a minefield of emotions and reactions. A “no drama” divorce helps to shift a mindset from pain and unrealistic expectations to one of managing emotions, learning better communication skills, and gathering information in order to reduce anxiety of divorcing spouses.

In our experience of working together in a co-mediation process, the goal is to reduce the drama by reducing fear, managing both spouse’s expectations, and setting a course for the couple to be able to successfully navigate. We cannot overstate the value to clients of using well-trained collaborative professionals to help them manage the fear and emotion in order to achieve their best family-centered outcome.

While the legal professional is educating on the legal process and the issues presented, the mental health professional (divorce coach or child specialist) is gathering information from the spouses regarding their urgent issues and concerns, including any communication challenges.

Throughout this process, it is essential for the clients to be heard, and to feel that they have an equal voice in reaching a resolution. Often during this process, clients learn a new way to communicate with one another. If children are involved, the goal is to be able to communicate better to more effectively co-parent. Children, regardless of age, can be affected positively by parents communicating more effectively, keeping the best interest of their children at heart.

The value added by working with highly-trained collaborative professionals allows for seamless communication, timely responses to interim issues, and for maintaining momentum toward a practical, family-focused resolution. There is also value added by a mediation process that can be far more creative in its outcome than any court-imposed judgment.

A “no drama” divorce, i.e., the ending of a marriage, can also be a new beginning for the individuals going through it. We, as professionals, are continually amazed at the transformation of clients who have grown through the divorce process. We often witness a combination of compassion and practicality shown by the clients toward one another by the end of the process. This transformation does not usually occur after a litigated divorce, which underscores the added benefits of utilizing collaborative professionals to resolve the parties’ matter outside of the court process.

January is National Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month

January 24, 2020 By CDSOC

By Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT, Child Specialist and Divorce Coach

“Children are like wet cement. Everything that falls on them leaves an impression.”
~ Dr. Haim Ginott, World Renowned Child Psychologist

Often married adults include as one of their New Year’s resolutions that they are going to “start a new life” by filing for divorce. For this reason, there is an increase in divorce filings in January. This is why January is National Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month.

When parents file for divorce, how does it affect their children? It depends.

For decades, the research about children and divorce has indicated that children report that the news of their parents impending divorce and how their parents divorced made a lasting impression on them, even into their adulthood. Most parents want to prevent emotional and psychological damage to their children during and after divorce, but they do not know how to do so.

Divorce is the number one stressor for adults, second only to the death of a loved one. So, it is not surprising that divorcing parents find it difficult to be their best selves for the sake of their children. In fact, research has found that due to the stress of divorce during and after divorce, parents’ ability to effectively parent their children is diminished.

Research also indicates that the number one predictor of children’s maladjustment during and after divorce is the level of conflict between their parents. When parents are unable to model an amicable relationship with each other, are angry with each other, and engaged in the “battle” of divorce, their children are caught in the middle, drawn into taking sides, and they suffer. Children do not have the capability to deal with such adult situations and lack the capacity to process the overwhelming emotions that arise in “win-lose” divorce. How do parents become their best selves during such stressful times?

During divorce, parents typically fight about money and children. One of my colleagues reminds parents that children are the true wealth of the family. I believe that this is true, so for almost two decades, I have educated parents about a child-centered, respectful, out of court option for divorce called Collaborative Divorce, where parents learn how to work together rather than fight against each other. Parents learn how to keep their children in the center rather than in the middle of their divorce. They learn that it is crucial that their children feel safe and secure to love both parents.

Collaborative Divorce professional teams include a Child Specialist, who is the voice of the child. Research indicates that, when children have a voice in their parents’ divorce process, talking with a professional who listen to them and educates them about this difficult family reorganization that they are experiencing, the children are better adjusted, the parents are better adjusted, and the parents’ agreements are more durable. This is a win-win for parents and most importantly for their children.

Seven Reasons to do a Collaborative Divorce

October 7, 2019 By CDSOC

We recommend the following article titled “Seven Reasons to do a Collaborative Divorce” by John Denny, Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Attorney. John expresses some very important views on the subject of Collaborative Divorce in the Orange County Area.

You can read the entire article at: https://collaborativedivorcecalifornia.com/seven-reasons-to-do-a-collaborative-divorce/

7 Ways to Make a High Conflict Divorce Easier on Your Children

September 13, 2018 By CDSOC

by Jann Glasser, LCSW, LMFT, Divorce Coach, Co-Parenting Specialist

1. Recognize and Deal with Signs of Distress in Your Children.

Altered sleep or eating habits
Declining scholastic performance
Frequent, sudden or broad mood changes
Acting out with anger, aggression, or defiance
Withdrawal from family and friends
Lethargy or disinterest
Infantile or other regressive behavior
Becoming accident-prone
Excessive catering to parents, which may signal a child’s self-blame for the divorce

If you observe such behavior, contact a mental health professional. Also consider consulting with a divorce coach who can help improve communication with your children, and your ability to care for them during your divorce.

2. Step AWAY from the Buttons!

Spouses in dysfunctional marriages know well how to expose each other’s vulnerabilities and provoke each other’s anger. Use that knowledge to avoid pushing your spouse’s buttons, because anything that increases parental conflict increases the prospects for harm to your kids.

Also, use what you know about your quarrelsome co-parent to avoid confrontations. During any encounters with your spouse be careful not to convey disrespect in front of the children either by words or by body language.

3. Confirm Substantive Conversations with Your Co-Parent.

Confirming conversations in writing can make it more difficult) for your co-parent to claim that he/she had no knowledge of a parenting schedule change, or that you failed to share notice of a teacher’s meeting. A quick email or text can avoid many such “misunderstandings,” and save your kids the additional conflict such misunderstandings generate.

4. Include Sufficient Details in Any Agreements You Reach.

Avoid vague and unspecific language, which opens the door to confusion and misinterpretation.

5. Plan Ahead for Constructive Discussions with Your Co-Parent.

Avoid additional conflict and enhance your chances of productive discussions by leaving as little to chance as possible during discussions.

An example could be whether your son should go out for his high school football team. Your spouse argues the virtues of discipline and teamwork, but you are concerned about evidence of concussive brain injuries suffered by high school football players.

First, clearly define the scope of the discussion to the here and now. That will help prevent it from deteriorating into a blame game of past injustices, real or imagined. Take some time before the discussion to understand your spouse’s concerns. You may realize that your spouse is not just arguing to argue but genuinely believes that playing on the team would be good for your son.

During the discussion, use that understanding to help you address your spouse with empathy and respect. You might concede the benefits of discipline and teamwork but suggest another sport that offers them without as much health risk.

Once the discussion has reached its conclusion or is no longer productive, end it politely but firmly.

6. Reassure Your Children

Tell your kids obvious things that bear repeating: that you love them, that the divorce is not in any way their fault, and that you will be there to help them through it. Revisit those themes often. It may sound corny, but those messages are critical to your children.

7. Keep Your Kids off the Battlefield.

Don’t argue in front of the kids. The more directly children experience their parents’ high conflict, the worse off they are.

Don’t complain about, disparage or mock your co-parent at the breakfast table, on Facebook, or anywhere else. This increases the anxiety that causes lasting emotional harm to children. Your conduct is the model for how your children will handle difficult situations they may encounter when they become parents.

The Power and Empowerment – Child Specialist

March 16, 2018 By CDSOC

By Bart J. Carey, Esq.

In speaking with a parent contemplating divorce, I always speak with the understanding that it is most likely the parents who best understand their children and what is best for themselves and the family. I assume parents are best situated to shepherd their children through life’s toughest challenges, including divorce, if…

Divorce is one of those times. It’s a tough time for the whole family, parents and children – of all ages. A crisis like they’ve never faced before, challenging their very identity as parents, children, family and each of their places/roles/futures in and as a family. But I also know, empowered to do so, parents will do their best to meet these challenges in consideration of the best interests of their children.

For these and many other reasons, I always assure parents I am confident, with the best advice and counsel available, they will make the best decisions regarding their children.

Uniquely qualified to advise and to equip parents with the information and insights which, when combined with their own, will empower them to best serve the best interests of their children, here are some of the ways which I have witnessed the power of the Child Specialist (CS) in an interdisciplinary process.

Children, both minors and adults, are stakeholders and major influences “in the room” whenever the parents meet. The Child Specialist is uniquely situated to bring them “in the room” and center the clients on family goals and consensus building;
Children are a significant part of the divorcing family dynamic and not always in the most supportive/functional way. Children who “act out” are likely children whose voices are not being heard and/or needs are not being met. The CS, by helping parents identify these needs and address them, empowers the children with a ‘voice’. Instead of becoming more ‘needy’, demanding and self-absorbed, their experience is one of empowerment and leads to adjustment/acceptance of the new family structure.
While the ‘Neutral’ CS, being aligned with the children of the clients, is not a true neutral, being impartial in relation to the parents powerfully amplifies the voice of the children. Having a CS present communicates that reality tangibly to the parents and moderates the conversation whether the CS speaks or not.
Parents work directly with the Neutral Child Specialist as the voice of the child(ren). This discourages them looking to their lawyers or others as decision makers and empowers them as parents and empowers parents to focus on children’s needs and interests. In this way the CS helps all professionals value the parents role. The parents keep control of the parenting decisions.

In sum, the CS brings the children “into the room”, while empowering parents with valuable information and guidance. The CS “voice of the children” empowers parents to get [back] on common ground and focus on meeting the present and ongoing needs and interests of the children. The CS is uniquely situated to empower everyone to be able to focus on something bigger than themselves.

On April 29, 2018, at Collaborative Practice California’s statewide conference in San Mateo, Family Lawyer Bart Carey, Neutral Financial Specialist Cathleen Collinsworth, Divorce Coach and Child Specialist Bruce Fredenburg, and Divorce Coach and Child Specialist Carol Hughes, all professionals from Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County, are presenting a workshop about the value that the Child Specialist brings to Collaborative Divorce Teams.

Your Six Different Divorce Alternatives

September 6, 2016 By CDSOC

by Leslee J. Newman, CFL-S, Family Law Attorney
Orange, California

1. Self-Representation (“Pro-Per”)

Both parties may consult with attorneys, but decide to represent themselves in or out of court. Both parties are ultimately responsible for the agreements and paperwork that goes to the court for filing including the final Judgment.

2. One-Party Representation

One party is represented by an attorney and the other is not. Generally, the party who has the attorney is responsible for drafting the paperwork, and the unrepresented spouse would get advice as to what he or she wants included in the final Judgment.

3. Both Spouses Have Representation

Both spouses have their own litigation counsel, and try to settle parts of the case through settlement discussion. If they are unable to settle some or all of the issues, the case goes to court for a judge to make the decisions for the spouses.

4. Mediation

Both spouses retain the same mediator who acts as their neutral facilitator and does not represent either party. Depending on the style of the mediator, and whether or not the mediator is an attorney, the spouses may have the benefit of being educated as to the law, available options, recommendations, and suggestions, etc. If the mediator is an attorney, there is the added advantage of accurate drafting of the court forms, and the Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage.

Because the mediator is a neutral party, the mediator encourages both spouses to consult and review the Judgment with other attorneys before signing. There is also a confidentiality privilege in the California Evidence Code, called the mediation privilege, which can help to protect the privacy of the mediation process. If the spouses are able to settle all of the issues of their case through mediation, they do not have any court appearances.

5. Collaborative Practice

The Collaborative Process features an integrated team of professionals. Each spouse retains their own Collaborative lawyer, and a divorce coach who is a mental health professional assisting with the communication, the emotion of the divorce, and helping to regulate the interaction between the parties. The neutral professionals on the team are a financial specialist (forensic or financial planner), and a child specialist, if there are minor children or adult children still living with the parents.

Through the Collaborative Process, the spouses and their professional team enter into a written agreement with the understanding that if the collaborative process breaks down before the entry of the Judgment or completion of the case, then the professional team, including the attorneys, are disqualified from going to court and continuing on the case. This process usually includes the privilege of confidentiality in the written stipulation to begin the collaborative case.

6. Cooperative Process

The cooperative process begins with an informal agreement between the spouses and their attorneys not to go to court, but to conduct settlement discussion and face to face meetings to settle the issues of the case. Unlike collaborative practice, however, the spouses and their attorneys are not disqualified from going to court if there are any issues that cannot be settled out of court.