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How Does a Legal Separation Differ from a Dissolution of Marriage?

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If you are unhappy in your marriage what can you do about it? You could seek a divorce, a legal separation, or a nullity. The process of filing a case with the court is almost identical, but the procedure and the ramifications of filing a legal separation or a nullity instead of a divorce are different.

In California since 1970, we have a “no-fault” system in which there are only two grounds for divorce — “irreconcilable differences” and “incurable insanity.” Irreconcilable differences can encompass a wide variety of reasons, but often means that the spouse applying for the divorce is in a new or better relationship, is being harassed or abused by the other spouse, or wants a different life in another state or country but their spouse does not want to move away. Any of these reasons can create a breakdown of the marital relationship, with required testimony to the court by the petitioning spouse, that the couple can no longer live together.

Why file for a legal separation instead of a divorce? The court forms and the court process of filing for either a divorce or a legal separation are almost identical. In every legal separation or divorce process there are three areas in which choices by the spouses must be made. If any child is under the age of 18, a parenting agreement must be drafted as well as the allocation of child support determined, especially for a child with special needs. Also, spousal support could be an issue if the earnings of each spouse are substantially different. Finally, the personal or real property owned by Husband and/or Wife which is community property must be divided.

However, if you select the legal separation route, you do not terminate the marital relationship. What are the reasons for doing this? They might include the following:

  1. Either husband or wife feels compelled by religious beliefs to remain married even if husband and wife are no longer living together.
  2. A Judgment of Legal Separation enables one of the spouses who may not qualify for health insurance because of a pre-existing condition, or cannot afford to obtain their own health insurance policy, to remain on the health insurance of the other spouse for as long as they are still married.
  3. The Judgment of Legal Separation can divide marital property, provide spousal and/or child support for a minor child or children, divide marital debts, terminate the responsibility of each party to pay for the new debts or expenses of the other party after date of separation, and terminates the liability of one spouse for the other without fulfilling the requirement that at least the Petitioner resides for at least 3 months in the county of the Court’s location and for at least 6 months in the State of California. (However, to terminate the marital status of husband and wife, a divorce/dissolution of marriage must be filed by at least one of the parties who has resided for at least 3 months in the county of the Court’s location and at least 6 months in the State of California.)

Because legal separation or divorce in California is complicated, it is best to seek consultation and/or representation from licensed, experienced, and skilled family law attorneys as well as other licensed mental health and financial collaborative practice professionals.

What Women Should Know About Divorce

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If asking for spousal or child support, you will always receive more money if you are already employed or have a source of income, your husband is earning more than you, and you can show a need for his financial assistance through a request for child and/or spousal support. Thus, it is detrimental to purposefully limit your stream of income, quit your job if not necessary, or downplay your ability to earn because you think you will receive more from your husband.

If you are in a domestic violence situation, and periodically experiencing threats, intimidation, and even physical assault, you should separate from your husband as soon as you are able to do so. You must educate yourself about the domestic violence cycle and know that each incident could become worse physically and psychologically than the last one you experienced. Without assistance, education, and separation, each incident could become more harmful, not only to you, but also to any children living with you. There are domestic violence assistance centers at courthouses in California where family law cases are processed and heard.

Unless you need the protection of domestic violence restraining orders, try not to speak badly about the children’s father. Demonstrate to your children that you still respect and communicate with their father to psychologically and financially support your children, and to let them know that they are most important to both mother and father. In other words, that the children come first.

Be careful about what you say to your children even if your children are teenagers or adults. Try not to align your children against their father and/or other siblings.

If there is no domestic violence, or the need for restraining orders, consider an alternative to divorce litigation, such as mediation or a collaborative divorce. Both you and your husband can meet for a free or reduced fee consultation with a family law attorney/mediator and/or family law collaborative attorney. Together you can consult about the process, the fees of the attorney/mediator and/or collaborator, and make a joint decision as to how you will both proceed. This can help husband and wife to move more quickly through the divorce process, with less emotional, psychological, and financial detriment, and help both parents to reassure the children jointly that you are working together to provide two homes for them in which they can continue to be parented and nurtured by both mom and dad.

Once the divorce or legal separation begins, don’t play games with your spouse. Try to cooperate to gather and prepare the information that is necessary to describe, assess, value, and divide your assets intelligently, amicably, and speedily.

Don’t hesitate to obtain assistance from a licensed mental health professional that you have previously worked with and respect, or find a competent licensed professional to assist you through the emotional and psychological aspects of the divorce process.

Don’t let family members or friends force you into a divorce process that is uncomfortable for you.

One of the biggest compliments I have received from couples who I have mediated or collaborated is that when they go to their child’s school for a meeting with the teacher, the teacher doesn’t even know that the children’s parents are divorced.

Five Important Financial Issues in Military Divorce

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By Kristine Rushing, CFP®, CDFA® Intro: There are many considerations in divorce, but those experiencing military divorce have some additional things to think about. Here are five issues military spouses should be aware of. 

 

Along with cooler weather and thoughts of Thanksgiving, November also brings Veterans Day, providing an opportunity to honor and thank those who have served in the United States Armed Forces. For many, that service has required personal sacrifices, from family challenges to the ultimate sacrifice. Whether during war or peacetime, events such as frequent moves, multiple deployments, isolation, stress of war, injuries, and returns to civilian life can all cause stress and anxiety for service members, spouses and their children. While the military branches offer programs to support relationships, divorce becomes a reality for many. Like their civilian counterparts, military spouses will need to determine a co-parenting plan, asset and debt division, and child/spousal support. However, those experiencing a military divorce need to be aware of some special rules.

 

1. Jurisdiction and State Law

Generally speaking, a spouse may file for divorce in the state where either spouse legally resides, with minimum residency requirements. However, the laws and treatment of property varies from state to state and there are some other factors pertaining to jurisdiction for military spouses, especially if divorcing while the service member is overseas. When there are questions about this it would be wise to consult with a knowledgeable attorney. For the most part, all other aspects of the property division, co-parenting, and child or spousal support follow state law similar to a civilian divorce. However, the “Service Members Civil Relief Act,” or SCRA, allows active-duty service members to file a Motion to Stay Proceedings which, if granted, causes a delay of 90 days, plus possible extensions.

As with civilian divorce, one of the most important decisions a couple has to make is which process to use. There are four major options: DIY/Kitchen Table, where couples sit down and reach their own settlement agreement; Mediation, where couples hire a neutral professional to assist them with the negotiations; Collaborative Divorce, where each party has their own legal representation, one or more divorce coaches/therapists, a neutral financial advisor, and perhaps a child specialist, all working together in a team approach; and Litigation, where parties cannot agree and ask the court to decide the outcome. Whenever possible, either mediation or collaborative divorce are recommended. These usually provide the most efficient process and set the parties up for more effective co-parenting and healing post-divorce.

 

2. Dividing Military Retirement

Military pensions are considered a marital asset and the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act (USFSPA) allows for division, though it is not necessarily required. Technically, it is the “disposable retired pay” that is subject to division, which is the gross retired pay less deductions for disability pay benefits and Survivor Benefit Plan premiums. Spouses may divide the pension or, instead, arrange a full or partial off-set via lump sum payment in cash or other assets to the non-service member spouse. The option for a lump sum or off-set is more common in short term marriages and requires a pension valuation to determine the present value of the off-set amount.

Those divorcing after retirement use a straight-forward coverture formula to determine the marital portion: months of marriage overlapping military service ÷ total months of military service at the time of retirement. For those divorcing prior to retirement, there is still a coverture fraction, calculated as a percentage of the service months overlapping marriage based on the total service months at the time of dissolution. However, it is applied to the hypothetical retirement benefit the service member would have received based on pay at the time of dissolution rather than actual retirement.

With the implementation of the new Blended Retirement System (BRS) in 2018, many service members receive automatic contributions and possible matching to a Thrift Savings Plan (TSP), a defined contribution account. The TSP operates much like many private company 401(k) plans do, allowing service members to leave the military with those TSP retirement benefits before serving a full 20 years, even if they choose to forego the pension benefits.

 

3. Getting the Retirement Division Done Right

Once the non-military spouse’s retirement benefit allocation has been determined, there are two ways in which the actual division and payment administration can take place. If qualified according to the “10/10 Rule,” the benefit payments for the non-military spouse may be issued directly from the Defense Finance Accounting Service (DFAS). The 10/10 Rule refers to the provision within the USFSPA which allows for this direct payment to a non-service member spouse as long as the pension division results from a marriage lasting ten years or more, which also overlapped service by ten years or more. A Military Pension Division Order (MPDO) must be carefully completed and submitted to DFAS. Retirement divisions that do not qualify for direct DFAS administration and payment according to the 10/10 Rule must be handled directly between the parties.

There are additional considerations for survivor benefits and disability pay. The Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) is an annuity program allowing the service member to provide continued income to a surviving beneficiary in the event of their death. Only one beneficiary may be designated, and if the intention is to name the former spouse, it must completed in a timely manner.

Unlike the military pension, which is a defined benefit plan, division of the TSP is more straight forward. Once the amount or percentage being allocated to the non-service member spouse is determined, and after the divorce is final, the account funds may be transferred into another retirement account in the non-service member’s name, such as an IRA, with a Retirement Benefits Court Order (RCBO). It is important that the terms be defined clearly and having a professional prepare this, as well as the MPDO mentioned above, is recommended.

 

4. Healthcare and Other Benefits

Tricare and care at military treatment facilities, as well as commissary and exchange privileges, may be available to the non-service member spouse in long-term marriages that overlap service. The USFSPA offers Full Coverage under the “20/20/20 Rule,” and Transitional Coverage under the “20/20/15 Rule.” The full coverage rule requires the spouses to have been married for at least twenty years, the service member must have at least twenty years of creditable service toward retirement pay, and that twenty years of marriage overlap twenty years of creditable service. The transitional coverage rule provides one year of medical coverage (no commissary or exchange privileges) have between fifteen and twenty of years of marriage overlap the years of creditable service.

 

5. Co-Parenting, Child Support, and Spousal Support

Child support is based on state law, including factors such as custody, time with each parent, and incomes. The Leave and Earnings Statement (LES) should be used to determine all forms of compensation, including Basic Allowance Housing (BAH), the value of on base housing, and other non-taxable in-kind compensation. While service members can face penalties from their commanding officer if delinquent on support payments, enforcement is typically handled by the state court system.

Like child support, spousal support, also called alimony, is determined according to state law. The USFSPA, however, limits the amount paid to a former spouse directly through DFAS to 65% of disposable retired pay, including up to 50% of pay for pension division and other garnishments such as alimony and child support. Considerations for the spousal support order may include the length of the marriage, the earning capacity of each spouse, age, and health. 

While most of the issues facing military spouses in divorce are the same as their civilian counterparts, these specific concerns do need to be addressed carefully. Spouses should take advantage of the various resources available and consult with an attorney who specializes in military divorce when needed. Again, one of the most important decisions a divorcing couple must make is which process to use. Whenever possible, work together and consider mediation or a collaborative team approach, including attorney-mediators, a financial advisor, such as a CPA, CFP® or CDFA®, and therapists and/or coaches to provide accurate legal information and the best chance for effective co-parenting and healing post-divorce.

To all members of the U.S. Armed Forces, we honor you this Veterans Day and thank you for your service in defending our nation and protecting our freedom.

No Drama Divorce… How to Manage Fear and Expectations in a Co-Mediated Divorce Process Using Collaboratively-Trained Professionals

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By Patrice Courteau, MA, LMFT and Paula J. Swensen, Esq.

The ending of a marriage can be a minefield of emotions and reactions.  A “no drama” divorce helps to shift a mindset from pain and unrealistic expectations to one of managing emotions, learning better communication skills, and gathering information in order to reduce anxiety of divorcing spouses.

In our experience of working together in a co-mediation process, the goal is to reduce the drama by reducing fear, managing both spouse’s expectations, and setting a course for the couple to be able to successfully navigate.  We cannot overstate the value to clients of using well-trained collaborative professionals to help them manage the fear and emotion in order to achieve their best family-centered outcome.

While the legal professional is educating on the legal process and the issues presented, the mental health professional (divorce coach or child specialist) is gathering information from the spouses regarding their urgent issues and concerns, including any communication challenges.

Throughout this process, it is essential for the clients to be heard, and to feel that they have an equal voice in reaching a resolution.  Often during this process, clients learn a new way to communicate with one another.  If children are involved, the goal is to be able to communicate better to more effectively co-parent.  Children, regardless of age, can be affected positively by parents communicating more effectively, keeping the best interest of their children at heart.

The value added by working with highly-trained collaborative professionals allows for seamless communication, timely responses to interim issues, and for maintaining momentum toward a practical, family-focused resolution.  There is also value added by a mediation process that can be far more creative in its outcome than any court-imposed judgment.

A “no drama” divorce, i.e., the ending of a marriage, can also be a new beginning for the individuals going through it.  We, as professionals, are continually amazed at the transformation of clients who have grown through the divorce process.  We often witness a combination of compassion and practicality shown by the clients toward one another by the end of the process.  This transformation does not usually occur after a litigated divorce, which underscores the added benefits of utilizing collaborative professionals to resolve the parties’ matter outside of the court process.

“I Just Need to Win”… How Collaborative Professionals Can Help Shift the Paradigm

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By Paula J. Swensen, Esq.

Those of us of a certain age remember the immortal words of a successful football coach after whom the Super Bowl trophy was long ago named.

Vince Lombardi famously opined, “Winning isn’t everything… it’s the only thing.”  That’s a pithy and fitting philosophy for a coach to use to inspire his or her team to attain greater and greater success on the football field, but we collaborative divorce professionals know that it is not so useful when it is applied in the context of a divorcing couple.

It goes without saying that everybody wants to win.  No one wants to lose, regardless of the undertaking or the endeavor in which one is engaged.  We know intuitively from a very young age that winning is “good,” and that losing is “bad”.  We all want our team to win, and we become frustrated and sometimes angry, when our team loses.  We all know from following sports that when there is a winner, there is also a corresponding loser.

This concept of “winning” is ingrained in our being from an early age, and it has now saturated our culture.  We want winners, not losers when we choose employees, spouses, friends and professionals such as doctors and lawyers.

As a certified family law specialist who has litigated, and also mediated many divorces, it never ceases to amaze me when a spouse will say, “I just need to win.  You have to help me WIN!”

At such times I am compelled to ask, “What do you mean by “win” your divorce?” “What is a win?” “What does a win look like to you?”

Those of us who have dedicated our practice to helping couples finalize their divorces in a more peaceful manner, know that we can bring a much-needed paradigm shift at the beginning of their divorce process to better assist a family transitioning from one household into two separate households.

Our first challenge is often to help spouses understand at the outset that a divorce is not a zero-sum game in which there is one “winner” and one “loser”.  Given the near-automatic reflex to think in those terms, it can take some work to dispel that ill-fitting notion.  Yet, helping to shift the focus from that initial mindset of needing to “win” to one where a spouse can appreciate the benefit of achieving an outcome that is, instead, in the best interest of the family as a whole, cannot be overstated.

As we are well-trained to do, focusing on concerns that each may have rather than focusing on positions is likely to obtain a better outcome for the divorcing couple and their family.  We, as collaborative professionals can assist spouses to think slightly differently about this whole concept of “winning,” and to broaden their outlook to include the well-being of their entire family.

How do we help a couple create a “win/win” mindset based on a balanced outcome?

What if a “win” meant using the funds that would have been spent on contentious litigation to instead put toward the children’s education?

What if a “win” meant the ability to stay in the marital home for a period of time so that the children would not be displaced from their school and their friends?

What if a “win” meant that both parents could attend a child’s milestone events: recital, birthday, holidays, special occasion party, graduation or wedding without the child being forced to choose one parent’s attendance over the other?

What if a “win” meant that each spouse was able to move beyond the divorce with a positive outlook for his or her future?

The collaborative professionals have a unique opportunity to assist the transitioning couple to discard the mindset of divorce as a zero-sum game, and to embrace the concept of finding resolutions that are in the best interest of the whole family.

Mr. Lombardi’s familiar adage should rightfully be relegated to the football field, as it serves no useful purpose in helping couples to achieve a peaceful divorce that best meets the needs of their family.

The Advantage of Child Support Calculation Through the Collaborative Divorce Process

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A recommended article written by Leslee J. Newman, Collaborative Attorney, Mediator, and Family Law Specialist

“A divorce with children who are not yet adults includes decisions regarding child support payment.  In every state including California, there is a different formula to calculate child support.  If divorcing parents go to court and request a judge to make the child support order, the statewide formula must be used to arrive at the amount of the support to be paid from one parent to the other.  Find out how parents selecting an out-of-court process like collaborative divorce can create their own agreeable amount without going to court.”

Click the link below to read more.

https://divorcepeacemaker.com/blog_index/the-advantage-of-child-support-calculation-through-the-collaborative-divorce-process/

Horror Stories of the Delayed Divorce

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A recommended article written by Diana L. Martinez, Collaborative Attorney, Mediator, Lecturer & Trainer

“As we enter the holidays, many divorcing couples choose to put their divorce on hold, preferring to focus on more enjoyable aspects of the season.  Unfortunately, this can make for a horror movie later on.  Before you slow things down, understand the potential nightmare lurking behind delays in your divorce, and how you can create a safer way to give yourself a much needed respite this holiday season.”

Click the link below to read more:

https://www.hbplaw.com/blog/2019/10/horror-stories-of-the-delayed-divorce/

Seven Reasons to do a Collaborative Divorce

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We recommend the following article titled “Seven Reasons to do a Collaborative Divorce” by John Denny, Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Attorney.   John expresses some very important views on the subject of Collaborative Divorce in the Orange County Area.

You can read the entire article at:   https://collaborativedivorcecalifornia.com/seven-reasons-to-do-a-collaborative-divorce/