Creative Divorce Solutions

What is a Divorce Coach and Why Do I Need One?

March 30, 2022 By CDSOC

The Divorce Coach: A Vital Member of the Professional Collaborative Team

As has been proven, the collaborative model works so well because all of the members of the collaborative team play an equally-critical role in the success of the collaborative process. We know that emotions can run high during a divorce. We also know that emotions can get in the way of rational thinking, and the ability to access the cognitive areas of our brain, which is critical for effective problem-solving. Divorce Coaches are best-suited to help clients move past the emotion of a given impasse, and past the high emotions of the divorce itself, and to help clients focus on realistic options to obtain a more favorable outcome for their families.

What is the Role of a Divorce Coach?

A Divorce Coach is a licensed, mental health professional who has specialized training in Collaborative Divorce and Mediation. The Divorce Coach is a co-equal member of the clients’ Collaborative Divorce Team. In a full Collaborative Team, each spouse has a Divorce Coach. In some cases, clients choose to share one Divorce Coach to assist each of them through the collaborative divorce process or mediation.

The Divorce Coach helps clients translate goals into action. Of particular importance, they also assist in helping a client to understand his or her spouse’s views, and the impact of their own behavior on their spouse. This is critical in resolving impasses that often arise in the divorce process. The Divorce Coach helps the clients with their communication skills, and educates the clients about the impact of divorce on children. Additionally, the Divorce Coach assists clients in developing their mutual goals which serves to enhance their co-parenting relationship, both during and after divorce.

Divorce Coaches can be extremely helpful when there are emotionally-charged issues presented such as infidelity, emotional abuse, estrangement, alternative lifestyles, and substance abuse.

In addition, the Divorce Coaches assist clients in developing insight into their own emotions, actions and goals which helps clients not only during the divorce process, but well after the divorce has been concluded.

A Divorce Coach Is Not a Therapist

It is important to note that while a mental health professional who performs in the role of Divorce Coach may also have an active clinical therapy or counseling practice, that is NOT the role that he or she plays in a collaborative or mediated divorce. However, the expert training and breadth of experience that the Divorce Coach brings to the Collaborative Team redounds to the benefit of both the clients and the team in assisting with effective communication, development of ideas and creative approaches to problem-solving.

Why Do I Need a Divorce Coach?

Divorce Coaches perform a vital role when it comes to managing and overcoming the emotional obstacles presented in a divorce. They are particularly helpful in providing an environment for effective option-creation and problem-solving, especially at times when clients are bogged down by a challenging impasse. It is beyond valuable for clients to get a fresh perspective from the Divorce Coach, which then enables them to move on to more future-focused thinking, and ultimately on to resolution.

Not unexpectedly, the emotional aspects of a divorce often threaten to derail the peaceful resolution of a divorce. It is the Divorce Coach who is key in effectively assisting the clients with the deeply-held emotions that arise as a result of the end of a marriage, including all of the uncertainty and fear that accompany such momentous changes in a person’s life circumstances.

How Does a Legal Separation Differ from a Dissolution of Marriage?

February 9, 2022 By Leslee Newman

If you are unhappy in your marriage what can you do about it? You could seek a divorce, a legal separation, or a nullity. The process of filing a case with the court is almost identical, but the procedure and the ramifications of filing a legal separation or a nullity instead of a divorce are different.

In California since 1970, we have a “no-fault” system in which there are only two grounds for divorce — “irreconcilable differences” and “incurable insanity.” Irreconcilable differences can encompass a wide variety of reasons, but often means that the spouse applying for the divorce is in a new or better relationship, is being harassed or abused by the other spouse, or wants a different life in another state or country but their spouse does not want to move away. Any of these reasons can create a breakdown of the marital relationship, with required testimony to the court by the petitioning spouse, that the couple can no longer live together.

Why file for a legal separation instead of a divorce? The court forms and the court process of filing for either a divorce or a legal separation are almost identical. In every legal separation or divorce process there are three areas in which choices by the spouses must be made. If any child is under the age of 18, a parenting agreement must be drafted as well as the allocation of child support determined, especially for a child with special needs. Also, spousal support could be an issue if the earnings of each spouse are substantially different. Finally, the personal or real property owned by Husband and/or Wife which is community property must be divided.

However, if you select the legal separation route, you do not terminate the marital relationship. What are the reasons for doing this? They might include the following:

Either husband or wife feels compelled by religious beliefs to remain married even if husband and wife are no longer living together.
A Judgment of Legal Separation enables one of the spouses who may not qualify for health insurance because of a pre-existing condition, or cannot afford to obtain their own health insurance policy, to remain on the health insurance of the other spouse for as long as they are still married.
The Judgment of Legal Separation can divide marital property, provide spousal and/or child support for a minor child or children, divide marital debts, terminate the responsibility of each party to pay for the new debts or expenses of the other party after date of separation, and terminates the liability of one spouse for the other without fulfilling the requirement that at least the Petitioner resides for at least 3 months in the county of the Court’s location and for at least 6 months in the State of California. (However, to terminate the marital status of husband and wife, a divorce/dissolution of marriage must be filed by at least one of the parties who has resided for at least 3 months in the county of the Court’s location and at least 6 months in the State of California.)

Because legal separation or divorce in California is complicated, it is best to seek consultation and/or representation from licensed, experienced, and skilled family law attorneys as well as other licensed mental health and financial collaborative practice professionals.

Creative Divorce Solutions: Thinking Outside The Box

January 8, 2021 By CDSOC

By Jennifer Webb Gordon, CFLS

“Why divorcing couples should consider creative solutions in their divorce”

If you are contemplating divorce you probably want to know “what you are legally entitled to.” This is the most common question asked by new clients, who often tell me “I just want what I’m entitled to.”

It is natural to want information to help with divorce planning and to set expectations.

Since divorce is a legal process, people turn to “legal entitlements” as a measuring stick.

What most couples contemplating divorce don’t realize is the restrictive range of outcomes available through the court system. Judges are limited by the laws that exist at the time you arrive in court. Laws change, and what is true today may not apply next year or next month. One recent example is the tax deductibility of spousal support (alimony) payments. Up until January 2019, spousal support payments were tax deductible to the party paying and taxable to the recipient. Today, the payment of spousal support is no longer deductible on federal returns. Similarly, the spouse who receives spousal support is no longer required to claim the amount as income on their federal tax return. This is just one example of how the landscape of the law is subject to change. While understanding your legal rights is important, engaging in creative problem solving will often result in better outcomes for both parties, and the entire family.

Creative solutions can apply to parenting plans as well as allocation of income and apportioning assets and liabilities. Below are just a few examples of creative solutions that worked for other couples which a court would not have been able to order without their prior agreement.

Creative Parenting Plans – Nesting

The typical custody orders handed down by the court provides for the children to alternate time with each parent in that parent’s home based on a standard time share schedule. Sometimes parents alternate weekly or have a 2/2/3 alternating time share.

Some co-parents are choosing innovative arrangements to keep their children from feeling some of the effects of divorce and the disruption caused by having to transition back and forth between two homes. A nesting arrangement means the children stay in the family home after the divorce. It’s the parents who take turns living with the children; the adults shuffle back and forth. This type of arrangement is typically for a limited period of time and allows everyone to adjust and prepare for a new family structure in 2 households.

Nesting isn’t for every family. It takes a great deal of cooperation between co-parents to make this arrangement work, and sometimes the cost of maintaining separate homes precludes many from exploring this option at all. But for parents who have good communication skills and are able to resolve conflicts productively, it can be a win for the children. This is not an arrangement that can be ordered by the court, however, parents can plan creatively to meet the needs of their children during a divorce.

Using Retirement Funds Creatively

Transferring retirement funds earned during marriage from one party to another is commonly done as part of the dissolution process without incurring taxes or penalties to either party. Employer sponsored plans such as 401(k) plans require a special court order called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). However, this means the funds stay in pre-tax retirement accounts and are not available, for example, to satisfy consumer credit debt or for use as a down payment on a home.

Couples who have ample retirement but are cash strapped and want to use retirement funds for these or other purposes, may find relief in Internal Revenue Code §72(t)(2)( c) which exempts early distributions from the 10% additional tax if those withdrawals are made as a result of a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO). It can become a key issue because the interests of participants in employer-sponsored retirement plans are often one of their largest assets next to equity in their home.

Take for example the recent situation where each party had $125,000 in an employer sponsored retirement plan which they had earned during marriage. Typically, each party would retain his/her own plan since the plans were of similar value. In this case, however, the parties had incurred substantial consumer debt, with each party assuming over $45,000 in debt as part of the divorce. Both parties wanted to eliminate the high monthly payments so they could better provide for their children’s needs after the divorce.

Utilizing IRC §72(t)(2)( c), each party was awarded a portion of the others retirement plan, divided through a QDRO. Each party withdrew the portion awarded to them from the other’s retirement and used those funds to satisfy the debt, giving each a fresh start.

You should always discuss cashing out retirement funds with your CPA or Tax Attorney as it may not be the right solution for everyone.

Medical Insurance – Delaying Termination of Marital Status to Extend Health Benefits

Many couples worry about the loss of health insurance after divorce when they are covered under their spouses health plan. Once a dissolution is entered and the parties are restored to the status of single persons, the former spouse will not be eligible to be covered on the former spouse’s plan. The cost of obtaining individual health plans can be daunting. Even when coverage is available, the plan benefits may be inferior.

Couples utilizing a Collaborative process or Mediation are sometimes able and willing to structure the termination of their marriage in order to afford the other party time to obtain insurance. This doesn’t require delay in filing the final agreement in your case. Once you have reached an agreement, if you both concur, you can have all the other provisions of the agreement signed by the court and still provide that you will remain legally married for a period of time after the agreement is filed in the court.

In one case, the cost of providing health insurance was taken into consideration in the negotiations and the wife agreed to delay termination of the status of the marriage for a period of 7 months after the Judgment was entered.

Although individual insurers have different rules about covering a spouse from whom you are physically separated, most allow coverage until the status of the marriage itself is terminated.

Creative Solutions for your Family

The above represent just a few of the many creative solutions available. Out of court processes such as Collaborative Divorce and/or Mediation encourage parties to design unique solutions that best fit their own situation. With the assistance of trained professionals, the parties engage in brainstorming creative approaches to restructuring their family. This allows for the ability to “Think Outside the Box”, to be creative in determining the financial arrangements and parenting plans that work for your family.