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Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County

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Divorce and The Law

What Women Should Know About Divorce

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If asking for spousal or child support, you will always receive more money if you are already employed or have a source of income, your husband is earning more than you, and you can show a need for his financial assistance through a request for child and/or spousal support. Thus, it is detrimental to purposefully limit your stream of income, quit your job if not necessary, or downplay your ability to earn because you think you will receive more from your husband.

If you are in a domestic violence situation, and periodically experiencing threats, intimidation, and even physical assault, you should separate from your husband as soon as you are able to do so. You must educate yourself about the domestic violence cycle and know that each incident could become worse physically and psychologically than the last one you experienced. Without assistance, education, and separation, each incident could become more harmful, not only to you, but also to any children living with you. There are domestic violence assistance centers at courthouses in California where family law cases are processed and heard.

Unless you need the protection of domestic violence restraining orders, try not to speak badly about the children’s father. Demonstrate to your children that you still respect and communicate with their father to psychologically and financially support your children, and to let them know that they are most important to both mother and father. In other words, that the children come first.

Be careful about what you say to your children even if your children are teenagers or adults. Try not to align your children against their father and/or other siblings.

If there is no domestic violence, or the need for restraining orders, consider an alternative to divorce litigation, such as mediation or a collaborative divorce. Both you and your husband can meet for a free or reduced fee consultation with a family law attorney/mediator and/or family law collaborative attorney. Together you can consult about the process, the fees of the attorney/mediator and/or collaborator, and make a joint decision as to how you will both proceed. This can help husband and wife to move more quickly through the divorce process, with less emotional, psychological, and financial detriment, and help both parents to reassure the children jointly that you are working together to provide two homes for them in which they can continue to be parented and nurtured by both mom and dad.

Once the divorce or legal separation begins, don’t play games with your spouse. Try to cooperate to gather and prepare the information that is necessary to describe, assess, value, and divide your assets intelligently, amicably, and speedily.

Don’t hesitate to obtain assistance from a licensed mental health professional that you have previously worked with and respect, or find a competent licensed professional to assist you through the emotional and psychological aspects of the divorce process.

Don’t let family members or friends force you into a divorce process that is uncomfortable for you.

One of the biggest compliments I have received from couples who I have mediated or collaborated is that when they go to their child’s school for a meeting with the teacher, the teacher doesn’t even know that the children’s parents are divorced.

No Drama Divorce… How to Manage Fear and Expectations in a Co-Mediated Divorce Process Using Collaboratively-Trained Professionals

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By Patrice Courteau, MA, LMFT and Paula J. Swensen, Esq.

The ending of a marriage can be a minefield of emotions and reactions.  A “no drama” divorce helps to shift a mindset from pain and unrealistic expectations to one of managing emotions, learning better communication skills, and gathering information in order to reduce anxiety of divorcing spouses.

In our experience of working together in a co-mediation process, the goal is to reduce the drama by reducing fear, managing both spouse’s expectations, and setting a course for the couple to be able to successfully navigate.  We cannot overstate the value to clients of using well-trained collaborative professionals to help them manage the fear and emotion in order to achieve their best family-centered outcome.

While the legal professional is educating on the legal process and the issues presented, the mental health professional (divorce coach or child specialist) is gathering information from the spouses regarding their urgent issues and concerns, including any communication challenges.

Throughout this process, it is essential for the clients to be heard, and to feel that they have an equal voice in reaching a resolution.  Often during this process, clients learn a new way to communicate with one another.  If children are involved, the goal is to be able to communicate better to more effectively co-parent.  Children, regardless of age, can be affected positively by parents communicating more effectively, keeping the best interest of their children at heart.

The value added by working with highly-trained collaborative professionals allows for seamless communication, timely responses to interim issues, and for maintaining momentum toward a practical, family-focused resolution.  There is also value added by a mediation process that can be far more creative in its outcome than any court-imposed judgment.

A “no drama” divorce, i.e., the ending of a marriage, can also be a new beginning for the individuals going through it.  We, as professionals, are continually amazed at the transformation of clients who have grown through the divorce process.  We often witness a combination of compassion and practicality shown by the clients toward one another by the end of the process.  This transformation does not usually occur after a litigated divorce, which underscores the added benefits of utilizing collaborative professionals to resolve the parties’ matter outside of the court process.

Seven Reasons to do a Collaborative Divorce

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We recommend the following article titled “Seven Reasons to do a Collaborative Divorce” by John Denny, Collaborative Divorce and Mediation Attorney.   John expresses some very important views on the subject of Collaborative Divorce in the Orange County Area.

You can read the entire article at:   https://collaborativedivorcecalifornia.com/seven-reasons-to-do-a-collaborative-divorce/

Self-Help Is Not The Best Remedy at Time of Divorce

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By LESLEE J. NEWMAN, Family Law Mediator & Collaborator

Today in Orange County, approximately 75+% of the couples who are seeking divorce or legal separation do not have attorneys, and most do not even seek any professional advice.  Most couples believe that by finding information on the Internet, they can represent themselves through some of the most important decisions they will ever make in their lives concerning money, property, and most importantly, their children.

Most people do not know that family law is one of the most complicated areas of California law and the court system is not designed for couples who do not know how to represent themselves before a judge.  If you have to put on evidence in the form of a court hearing or trial, the California Rules of Evidence apply.  Most of the time, the self-represented person cannot competently present their most important documents or statements into the court record for judges to consider in making their decisions.

There are so many self-represented people now going to court who do not know how to address a judge or to present their case.  They spend much more court time than necessary and have substantially slowed down court proceedings, and the court’s calendar.  It can now take as long as 4 to 5 months or more for a hearing to be set before a judge.  Thus, the court’s consideration of important issues like parenting of children, monetary support, or even having the right to put the family residence up for sale is substantially put on hold to the great detriment of the divorcing couple.

It is a no brainer that seeking professional legal help is a smart move, and attorneys who can help you avoid going to court altogether are indispensable.  Unfortunately, it is a well-kept secret that transitioning couples can stay out of court and settle all aspects of their divorce through mediation or collaborative divorce.

The costs of a collaborative divorce typically are a lot less expensive than litigation which before a judge in Orange County has an average cost of about $90,000 and could take more than a year to complete.  A mediated divorce is typically about $5,000 to $7,500, and can be completed in about 3 months depending on the complexity of the divorce.  Which path should you choose?

Arbitration and Mediation in California: What’s The Difference in These Forms of Dispute Resolution?

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by Diana L. Martinez Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator, West Coast Law & Mediation, APC

As a family law lawyer, I really look forward to my time on duty to volunteer at Riverside County Superior Court for VSC (Voluntary Settlement Conference) day. It is offered two Fridays per month and is THE most successful mediation program in the nation with an over 90 percent success rate!

Why? Because, in order to be a mediator on this panel, you must have the highest training and qualifications as both a family law lawyer and as a mediator. Not only do we donate our time, we must be in practice at least 10 years and have hundreds of hours of mediation training and practice under our belts. Other family law mediation programs that either do not have a structured program with high mediator qualifications, or that pay retired judges to do this work, enjoy a success rate below 60 percent.

Judges have an incredibly difficult job. It takes very specific skill sets to be a good judge. But being a talented judge does not, in and of itself, make you a good mediator.

I also volunteer as a fee arbitrator in attorney-client fee disputes for the California State Bar and for the San Bernardino County Bar Association. My role as an arbitrator is that of a judge: to listen to testimony, review the evidence, and make a ruling based on the law. There is no facilitation or brainstorming to help the parties create agreements together. As a result, the parties tend to stay polarized, hoping I will rule in their favor.

In contrast, a mediator works to find common ground, and assists the parties in bridging gaps, focusing on their goals and the reality of the benefits and risks of resolving versus litigation.

During a recent mediation in Riverside*, I had to use my skills as an arbitrator to attempt to resolve a divorce dispute in mediation. In this particular case, the husband was represented by counsel. The wife was not. The couple was married in the Netherlands and moved to California two years prior to the divorce. They had been married for 15 years. They had already agreed to the division of their assets and debts. The final item preventing them from resolving their divorce for nearly two years (yes, they had been divorcing for two years) was spousal support. The wife was not a legal U.S. resident and had struggled finding employment. During the marriage, she worked as a babysitter. The husband ran his own consulting business and was always the higher income earner.

As an arbitrator, looking at the evidence presented, the ruling is quite simple. Based on California law, Husband would be required to pay spousal support until one of the normal, terminating factors in a long term (over 10 years) marriage: 1) death of either party; 2) remarriage of wife; or 3) further order of the court. Wife, however, would have to make reasonable, good faith efforts to become self-supporting, in order to continue to receive support.

As a mediator, it is important to help both husband and wife craft an agreement that factors in wife’s financial needs and goals, as well as husband’s sense of unfairness of having to pay for so long a time. In this case, wife appreciated this and proposed that husband pay her only what she was short in rent each month ($200) for five years. This would give her time allowing her to get her legal resident papers in order and find a stable job, as she explained it, after which she would agree to “terminate” support.

Relying on a judge for a “fair” decision on your financial settlement during divorce is an expensive roll of the dice.

In a long-term marriage, courts do not, generally, terminate support; they may reduce it to zero dollars, but they will leave open the ability to request it in the future. This proposal, legally, put a lot of value on the table for the husband.   As a neutral, and especially given that wife was unrepresented, I did have to educate both parties about that legal value and the implications of a spousal support termination. To all knowledgeable in family law, this proposal was golden.

Husband’s attorney instructed him to reject the offer as completely unreasonable. His argument? In the Netherlands, his wife would not have received spousal support at all. Since the parties lived there for most of their marriage, wife should not be allowed to benefit from California spousal support laws. They argued the wife should agree to no more than six months of spousal support, which would then end. This sounded logical to husband.

Sadly, the husband’s “logic” is not the basis upon which family law judges issue orders. My inner arbitrator asked husband’s lawyer to explain the legal basis for this argument. It was a novel argument to me, and I’ve been in practice for nearly 20 years. His response: “Yes, it is a case of first impression, so I have to research this more.”

Excuse me? You have no legal basis for this argument, which means your client will be paying you for research that will very likely not result in the expected outcome. In addition to this expense, Husband’s lawyer planned on having a vocational evaluation done on wife to determine how much she could reasonably be earning. Really? She’s undocumented, and lawyer wants to do a vocational evaluation. Husband, as the sole income earning, would have to front this cost.

The court had already told the litigants prior to sending them off with their mediators that, if they do not resolve their matters, the next available court date would not be for another six months. This meant that husband will continue to pay his lawyer during that time, for research on an issue that has no support in law. If we calculate the legal fees at $1,750/month (lawyer rate of $350/hour, at five hours of legal work per month, including research on the foreign marriage issue, gathering information on wife’s earning ability, history of income during the marriage, and so forth), for six months, it will cost the husband $10,500 prior to his trial readiness conference. This is not the trial itself. It is a court hearing to confirm you are ready for trial.

The trial would likely be set within the following one or two months after that hearing, and trial preparation by his attorney would be far greater than five hours. But let’s keep it conservative for this discussion and add only another $1,750 to finish this case through trial. Now we have $11,750 in legal fees for the husband, in the hopes the judge will side with him and terminate spousal support, despite the law.

Let’s compare this with the wife’s proposal to resolve their case through mediation, six months before trial readiness. She proposed $200/month for five years = $12,000, and a signed, binding, agreement to terminate spousal support. That’s a guarantee, folks. Remember, by terminating, no court, in any state, would have the legal ability to order more support, ever!

Sadly, husband trusted his lawyer in the above mediation. The parties will end up going to trial, based on his lawyer adding to husband’s sense of unfairness, rather than educating his client as to the reality of the law. Logic would dictate that it would be better to take a sure bet for $250 more, than pay almost the same amount and risk the judge applying the law, as they are required to do.

In mediation, husband had the ability to cut his losses and be done. As a judge, there is no such flexibility. The judge or arbitrator (same function) is required to apply the law. But when emotion (that sense of unfairness) takes over, and a lawyer creates a false hope by feeding into that emotion, the only “winners” are the lawyers. There is no benefit to either spouse. There is no benefit to their families. The court battle continues.

If you expect a judge or arbitrator to “do the right thing” because he or she will see and understand the unfairness of it all, you will be disappointed. A judge does not have that kind of flexibility. They may find one argument more persuasive than another, but that means it follows the law more closely than the other. It does not factor in emotion or “fairness.”

In the above example, the law does not look at where you were married and apply the rules of a foreign country. If you lived in California six months prior to filing your petition for divorce, you fall under the laws of California – no exceptions based on “it’s not fair.” A judge must render decisions based on the law and the evidence properly presented. Don’t forget to factor in the financial and family relationship costs of the continued battle.

*I’ve changed certain facts of the case to protect confidential information, but have kept the substance the same.

John Denny takes Collaborative Practice leadership role

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Will serve as 2017-2018 Collaborative Practice California Board President Media contact: Gayle Lynn Falkenthal, APR, Fellow PRSA 619-997-2495 or gayle@falconvalleygroup.com
(Irvine, California) – Orange County family law attorney John Denny, member and past president of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County, was installed as president of Collaborative Practice California (CP Cal), the statewide organization for Collaborative Practice groups, at its annual conference in Redondo Beach, California on Sunday, April 30.

John Denny speaks to delegates at the 2017 Collaborative Practice California conference. Photo: David Kuroda
John Denny speaks to delegates at the 2017 Collaborative Practice California conference. Photo: David Kuroda

Individual members of the practice groups include Collaborative lawyers, mental health practitioners, financial specialists, and other professionals. The Collaborative Process is being used in family law, probate law, trusts and estates, and other civil law areas.

CP Cal’s mission is to unify, strengthen and support the Collaborative Practice community and to increase public awareness of the Collaborative Process throughout California.

“My goal during my tenure as Board President is to spread the word about the many benefits of Collaborative Practice in family law, civil matters, and trusts and estates,” said Denny. “Californians who must address legal or financial matters will benefit knowing about their Collaborative options for working through these critically important and sometimes contentious issues. They can resolve even the most difficult disputes while still preserving personal relationships with family members or business colleagues,” explained Denny.

John Denny graduated from UCLA (B.A., Economics, 1980) and Loyola Law School (J.D., cum laude, 1994). He was admitted to the California Bar (1994), U.S. District Court, Central District of California (1994), and the U.S. District Court, Northern District of California (1995). Denny is a Certified Specialist in Family Law by the State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization.

Denny is a member of the Orange County Bar Association, State Bar of California, Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County (CDSOC), and the International Association of Collaborative Professionals (IACP).

Denny co-authored “Ethical Issues Involving Minor’s Counsel,” published in OC Lawyer (2009), and “Some Benefits of Mediation and Collaborative Law,” OC Lawyer (2011). He served on the Board of Trustees of the Los Angeles County Bar Association and the Lawyers Club of Los Angeles County, including a term as President. Denny is a past President of CDSOC. He is a Founding Fellow of the Society of Fellows of the Orange County Bar Foundation.

John Denny is of counsel to Hittelman Strunk Law Group and limits his practice to Family Law Litigation, Mediation and Collaborative Law.

About Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County

Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County (CDSOC) was founded in 2003 to advise couples in Orange County about out of court options to traditional divorce litigation. Our group consists of experienced family law attorneys, licensed mental health professionals, and credentialed financial professionals, all of whom are specially trained in Collaborative Practice, mediation, and conflict resolution. Working under the Collaborative Practice model, the result is a divorce guided with respect and compassion in a non-adversarial way so families can make the best possible decisions about their future.

Experts Contribute to Best Practices at Collaborative Practice California Conference

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Orange County Collaborative Practice professionals will share their expertise with colleagues in April at the annual Collaborative Practice California Conference XII in Redondo Beach.

Members of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County (CDSOC) are in demand as professional education panelists and seminar leaders throughout Fall 2017 due to their expertise and experience working with a diverse array of Orange County clients in the Collaborative approach to divorce.

“Many collaborative professionals are committed to continuing professional education in order to provide the best service to our clients,” said Dr. Carol Hughes, CDSOC member and workshop leader. “The annual conference of Collaborative Practice California is one venue for us to do this.

“We CDSOC members are honored to be contributing to the further growth of our Collaborative colleagues throughout the state. Ultimately, the reward is offering better options to clients who want to avoid the trauma, time and expense of a litigated divorce or other disputes,” added Dr. Hughes.

Collaborative Practice California presentations include:

Left to right: Cathleen Collinsworth, Carol Hughes, Bart Carey

Collaborative Family Lawyer and Mediator Bart Carey, Divorce Coach and Child Specialist Dr. Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT, and Financial Specialist Cathleen Collinsworth, CDFA™, MAFF™ will facilitate an advanced seminar titled “Grand Rounds for Collaborative Practitioners.”

The workshop format introduces the “Grand Rounds” concept used in the medical profession. A supervising physician-professor and small group of residents visit individual patients in their hospital rooms, diagnosing their symptoms and discussing together how best to help each patient through collaborative problem-solving.

In a similar way Bart, Carol and Cathleen will apply their expertise to analyze individual case challenges presented by participants. The team will “diagnose” and assess the symptoms and prescribe the best course of action.

As a result of the workshop, the attendees will learn how to analyze case challenges presented by their own clients, and then design and implement creative solutions on their behalf.

Collaborative family lawyer and mediator Diana L. Martinez will present a workshop on diversity and cultural issues in divorce.

Collaborative Family Lawyer and Mediator Diana L. Martinez, will co-present a seminar with other California Collaborative professionals discussing cultural competency in family law practice, “Becoming Culturally Competent and Ethically Responsible: Beyond Basics.” Professionals working with families going through divorce and separation need to increase awareness and skills to discern the complex aspects of culture, world views, and communication patterns of the families they interact with during the legal process.

Participants will also learn to identify sociopolitical aspects of racism, power and privilege, and how these may impact issues of trust and create barriers while navigating the legal process. Being able to empathize and navigate these challenges will lead to greater understanding of client needs and achieve a successful outcome without resorting to litigation.

Patrice Courteaum M.A., LMFT, Divorce Coach and Child Specialist

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Divorce Coach and Child Specialist Patrice Courteau, MA, LMFT, will participate in a panel discussion about effective Collaborative Practice outreach in a digital age.

Orange County families who are considering a Collaborative approach to their divorce can be confident in the guidance and qualifications of CDSOC members, who not only uphold high standards in their personal practice, but who are called upon to help California’s Collaborative professionals develop the highest standards in this area of family and civil law.

CDSOC members are available to speak to groups of professionals and to any interested organization or program about the Collaborative Practice approach to solving dispute in family law matters or any civil dispute instead of resorting to time consuming, costly litigation that destroys ongoing relationships. Contact CDSOC at 949-266-0660.

12 Reasons To Create Your Premarital Agreement Using the Collaborative Process

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by Leslee J. Newman, CFL-S, Family Law Attorney
Orange, California

  • Each premarital partner selects their own Collaborative attorney to represent him or her from the very beginning of the premarital Collaborative Process. You and your Collaborative attorney work together until the premarital agreement is completed and signed.
  • Neutral professionals such as a financial planner and/or a Collaborative coach may also be added to your Collaborative team to help you and your partner develop and fully understand your goals as a couple, and the legal and financial ramifications of your decisions.
  • Before any drafting takes place, you and your partner are encouraged to express your thoughts and concerns about what you plan to build together as joint property and what you want to maintain as separate property.
  • Full disclosure of the property and debts of each premarital partner is exchanged including some verification of each asset and each debt.
  • After full discussion, disclosure, and agreement is reached by the premarital couple, the agreement is drafted through the participation of both Collaborative attorneys.
  • After the draft of the premarital agreement is completed, the draft is fully discussed and explained to each premarital partner by his or her Collaborative attorney.
  • Additional drafts and revisions are encouraged by the Collaborative team until both members of the premarital couple are fully educated and satisfied with your agreement.
  • The Collaborative Process takes most of the stress out of the creation of a premarital agreement at a time when you are undergoing the tension and burden of planning your wedding.
  • With the premarital agreement completed, you can concentrate on your wedding plans, the joy of your wedding day, and your honeymoon.
  • After you are married, if there are any changes you wish to make to your property or financial planning, you can return to any of the members of your Collaborative team for assistance.
  • If you should divorce, your premarital agreement should be enforceable by California law because of the guidance of your Collaborative professionals, and the multiple opportunities you each had to discuss, question, and revise your agreement.
  • In the event a divorce occus, the Agreement should serve as a roadmap to simplify your divorce, make it move along more quickly and in most cases make it less expensive. Additionally, you may stay in the Collaborative Process for your divorce agreement, with some or all of the original Collaborative professionals assisting you who already know you and your spouse.