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A Divorced Parent’s Holiday Gift Guide: Your Child’s Wish List

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by Jann Glasser, Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Coach/Psychotherapist, Collaborative Coach

Holiday season is here again. If you are divorced with children, the season can be challenging as you attempt to coordinate two households and extended family, trying to meet everyone’s needs simultaneously. As you begin to review your child’s wish list for the season, there is something more precious every child wants that you won’t find in any store or even on Amazon.

It’s time with both parents during the holidays, the kind of quality time that helps your children feel reassured that while their parents might not be living together anymore, your relationship with your child remains the same.

If your child could write out their wish list for the things to make it easier, the list would look like this:

1. Help me shop for or make a gift for my other parent, if I’m not old enough to do it myself. It feels good when I can give you each gifts that you like.

2. Don’t make me feel guilty about the gift I got or what fun I had with each of you.

3. Let me celebrate family traditions that are fun and important to me. Don’t make me give them up because they’re inconvenient to you or interfere with the parenting plan schedule. People first!

4. Let me be free of drama, bickering, or fighting about holiday plan scheduling, or other details of the season.

5. Please remember that I’m not property to be divided up. I have my own needs and feelings about my family and the holidays.

6. Ask me what I might like to do with each of my parents during the holiday season that is special to me, and help make it happen.

7. Please avoid asking questions about what I did while I spent time with the other parent.

8. I don’t want to rush through opening my presents or eating a meal or visiting with relatives because I have to be at my other parent’s house. If all we’re doing is hurrying, the holidays will be ruined for me.

9. Support me making my own decisions about when I will be staying with each of you when I’m home from college so I don’t get stressed out about it when I ought to be studying for finals.

10. Please enjoy time with me while I’m with you rather than complaining that you didn’t get the exact times or amount of time with me that you wanted. There is no scorecard that keeps track of the amount of my love for you. Relax. Love me back. Let go of the details.

 Wishing you and your family peace this holiday season.

 

The Honey Experiment: Can It Help Your Co-parenting Relationship?

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by Suanne I. Honey, Certified Family Law Specialist, Law Offices of Suanne I. Honey

Let me start this blog by letting you know I am a family-law attorney who, unfortunately, still litigates cases. I prefer the Collaborative Process for many reasons. This means I work with couples who at times can be very angry with each other.

This post, however, has to do with attitudes. A recent Facebook post keeps popping up frequently about a teacher of mentally challenged students. He started each school day telling each student compliments specific to that student. There were both expected and unexpected results with her experiment. Most impressive, the students began giving each other compliments and their academic grades improved.

Being a strong believer in the concept of positive energy spreading just as quickly as negative energy, I decided to start my own experiment. A few months ago I started asking my clients who are engaged in a high-conflict relationship with the other parent to give the other parent a compliment. Daily seems too often and rings of insincerity and ulterior motives. I requested once a week or if that was too onerous, once a month.

There is an old saying that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. And since my name is Honey, let’s call this The Honey Experiment.

Sometimes it is a real struggle to find something – really anything – to compliment. It could be as simple as “That pink shirt looked good on you,” to “I appreciate how you give each child individual attention.” The only requirement is that it be completely sincere. If it is just a chore, it will sound hollow and may be worse than saying nothing at all.

You can do this, too, no matter what the status of your relationship is, from loving to friendly to hostile. Find something you truly like about the other parent, be it physical or a character compliment. Just find something. Send a text or an email or even say it in person if you are comfortable doing so.

My sampling of clients are too small to have any scientific basis attached to the outcome, but I too was surprised at the early results. All of the clients I suggested do this agreed. Some followed through on a regular basis, some not so much.

What happened with each of those clients (even the ones who did not actually give the compliments) resulted in less calls to my office voicing complaints about the other parent. I suspect that this newly positive attitude among my clients (even those who did not give the compliments but who clearly gave it some thought) carried over to body language, to tonal qualities in their voice, and in facial expressions at parenting exchanges. It is difficult to be angry with someone who is nice to you. This is not a panacea, but there have been remarkable and noticeable changes in my clients.

Going through the stressors and pressures in a custody battle makes you forget the good qualities that you once appreciated in the other parent. Sometimes those qualities are so buried under bad conduct that it is difficult to dig them out. The compliment project is yielding benefits in their relationship with the ex-spouse or co-parent. Surprisingly, the biggest benefit seems to go to the person giving the compliment, not the one getting the compliment like you might expect. In addition, because the parents are happier, their children are happier, and this is something everyone wants to see.

You cannot give a compliment with expectations of getting one in return, because most likely that will not happen. More importantly it diminishes the point of the experiment. Give an honest, unsolicited compliment to the other parent regularly without expectations of any kind and pay attention to the changes in your life and in the lives of your children.

Isn’t The Honey Experiment worth trying? What have you got to lose? If you try it, post a message on our group’s Facebook page and let us know how it worked out for you. Or send me an email at honey@honeylaw.com

 

New Professional Resources Page Provides Valuable Referrals to Orange County Divorcing Couples

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In its effort to assist divorcing couples in Orange County pursue a divorce outside traditional litigation, Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County (CDSOC) now provides a “Professional Resources” page on its website. This page offers referrals to individuals familiar with the Collaborative Practice model who offer services that divorcing families can access to help them through the process.

CDSOC welcomes Orange County real estate broker Juliane Waggoner of RE/MAX College Park Realty in Seal Beach as its first Professional Resources member listing.

Waggoner, a fourth generation real estate broker, is also a probate specialist, Certified Negotiation Expert (CNE), and has completed mediation training through the Los Angeles County Bar Association. She is a graduate of the University of California Santa Barbara and has attended graduate courses at the University of California, Irvine.

“My mission is to work as a neutral real estate agent throughout your divorce or separation, bringing peace to the parties and negotiations along the way,” said Waggoner. “I can help couples explore their options, which sometimes means working to help one spouse keep the property. I can also remain a neutral consultant if a sale is required, marketing the home nationally and internationally and helping couples negotiate the best price and terms in the sale. Post-sale, I can also help the family transition into a new residences.”

To qualify, professionals must complete the same basic training as legal, financial, and mental health professionals who are General Members of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County. Eligible professionals include, but are not limited to, real estate agents, mortgage brokers, insurance agents, tax preparation professionals, business and career coaches, educators, contractors, and other interested individuals.

Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County welcomes inquiries from professionals with interest in joining the group as a Professional Resources member. To learn more, contact CDSOC Membership Chair Marvin Chapman at divorcecoachmarvinchapman@gmail.com

 

Community Property and Separate Property: What’s the Difference?

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 by Sara E. Milburn, Attorney at Law
Milburn Family Law, Laguna Beach, California

Many of my clients come into my office with the mistaken belief that after a long marriage, everything they own together is community property, and they are going to leave the marriage with one half of this property. Sometimes it is a shock for them to learn that is not necessarily the case.

Property issues in a divorce can be very complex. These are the basics to help you start working through your decision-making process.

Separate Property

In California, separate property is defined by Family Code 770. Separate property of a married person includes all of the following:

  1. All property owned by the person before the marriage,
  2. All gifts or inheritances received.
  3. The rents and profits the separate property earns.

Where this can become confusing is when the spouse who owns the separate property uses his time and talent (called “community effort”) to cause an increase to his or her own separate property. This must be more than a diminutive amount of time or effort. The court has wide discretion here. If the separate property was a stock account and the spouse was a day trader then there would be considerable community effort and the increase in value of the stock might be part community property. If it was a stock account that was managed by a financial advisor with only minimal decisions made by the spouse that would probably not give the community any interest in the increase in value of the stock account.

Community Property

Except as otherwise provided by California law, community property is considered all property acquired by a married person during the marriage. The exception is property specifically identified up front as separate property. Examples include property owned before marriage, gifts or inheritances as long as the source of funds to acquire the asset was community funds (i.e., earnings by either or both spouses during the marriage).

Co-Mingled Property

If separate property and community property in the way of money or investments are both deposited into the same account or asset owned jointly by the spouses, it may create issues of tracing. A forensic accountant with specific expertise will need to become involved.

Separate Property: Stock Accounts or Bank Accounts

If one spouse owns stock in a public company, or has a bank account that remains in his or her name as a separate account, and no community property earnings are placed into their separate account, then no matter how much the account balance grows through earnings or interest, the other spouse will have no interest in that investment.

Separate Home Before Marriage

With people getting married at older ages, and with numerous second (and third and more) marriages, this is a common situation. One of the spouses may own a home in their own name at the start of the marriage. They may never add their spouse’s name on the title to the home. In this situation, the home remains the separate property of the spouse who owned the home prior to the marriage, as his or her sole and separate property. This is true even if the couple lived in the home 30 years during their marriage.

The community might receive a portion of the equity if the mortgage was paid down during the marriage. There is a formula that is used (called “Moore-Marsden”)  but the house remains the separate property of the spouse who owned the home before marriage. If the spouse who owned the home prior to marriage does add his or her spouse’s name to the title on the property, the non-owner spouse would be entitled to half of the appreciation in value of the home that took place AFTER his or her name was added to the title.

Separate Home Purchased During Marriage

It is possible for one spouse to use their separate money to buy a house by themselves and for themselves alone during the marriage, and take title in their own name as their separate property. If there is a mortgage loan on the property-it may create a community interest in the separate property home due to the debt obligation.

Using Separate Property As a Down Payment on a Community Property Home Purchase

If an individual sells his or her separate property home purchased prior to the marriage, and uses the proceeds to help buy a new home with both spouses’ names on the title as the legal owners, the spouse who owned the separate property before marriage can still set aside the amount invested as a down payment as his or her separate property. There is an absolute right to reimbursement of separate property. See California Family Code 2640.

This is an example of how it might work. Wife “Melissa” owned a townhouse before her marriage to “Mario.” Melissa sells the townhome for $300,000. She and Mario then buy a new single family home for $700,000. She uses the $300,000 from the townhome as the down payment. Then Melissa and Mario take out a mortgage loan for the remaining $400.000. Ten years later, Melissa and Mario get divorced. They sell the house for $850,000. After paying off the loans and fees, Melissa and Mario have $620,000. Melissa receives her original $300,000 down payment off the top. Then Melissa and Mario split the remaining $320,000, receiving $160,000 each. Melissa receives $460,000, and Mario receives $160,000.

Separate Property: Business

When a business owned by one of the spouses grows in value during the marriage there are two conflicting cases in the law which define how to apportion the profits.

Under the Pereira case definition, “a fair return” on the separate property investment is given and the balance of the increased value is allocated to the Community Property because the time and talent of the spouse is Community Property.

Under the Van Camp case definition, the court would determine the reasonable value of the community’s service, and allocate that amount to the Community Property and allocate the balance to the Separate Property.

If this seems confusing or complicated, you are right. It can be very complicated. This is why it’s essential to rely on trustworthy advice from legal and financial advisors who have expertise in property division as the result of a divorce to help you understand your options and your rights under the law. It is worth investing in this guidance to help you avoid costly mistakes due to unfamiliarity with your best options.

The Cost of Divorce To Your Business

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by Diana L. Martinez Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator, Law and Mediation Office of Diana L. Martinez

Divorce takes an emotional, physical, and financial toll on spouses and their children. But the potential negative effects of divorce don’t stop with the family directly involved. They often spill out past the front door and affect many other people.

When a valued employee is going through the trauma of a divorce, the divorce can affect the entire workplace. The cost to employers can go well beyond absenteeism for a few days here and there to attend court hearings or meetings with the lawyers. Trying to accommodate the employer and the divorce process can prove challenging.

Courthouses are open only between 8:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Most lawyers’ offices are only open between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. While some lawyers can be more flexible, most judges and courts cannot. The higher the conflict in the divorce, the more court appearances and the more time spent with the lawyers and in court.

Additionally, less obvious costs include:

  • “Presenteeism”: The employee who is physically present at work, but unable to focus as a result of the divorce.
  • Employees wasting valuable work time talking with co-workers about their divorce.
  • An employee leaving work early due to anxiety attacks or illness related to stress.
  • Childcare difficulties when the employee can no longer depend on his/her spouse to cover such tasks.

A depressed or distracted employee can end up with impaired judgment which negatively impacts his or her overall job performance. It can lead to safety concerns, injuries, mistakes, and accidents.

In one example, a company’s manager was served with divorce papers two days before the company was to submit a binding bid on a three-year contract for the company’s products through a county bidding process. The employee did his best to balance work with the depression, anger, and fears he experienced due to limited time with his children and concerns about spousal support and child support. The manager submitted the binding bid with an error committed by the distracted employee in the bid. When the company’s bid was opened, it was the lowest bid by approximately 25 percent. The county accepted the bid and the company was forced to abide by it, losing hundreds of thousands of dollars for those three years.

Employers value their loyal and dedicated employees who produce high quality work year after year. But imagine the same kind of employee suddenly hemorrhaging money in legal fees, expert fees, and custody evaluations; or when the same employee is on medication for depression, or is receiving harassing phone calls or disruptions at work from an irate soon-to-be ex-spouse. Even the most understanding and patient employer is ill equipped to provide the safety or emotional support the employee really needs.

Unfortunately, in a worst-case scenario, this can cost the employer a truly valuable employee. It can cost the employee his or her job at the worst possible time, adding to his or her financial hardship and stress.

These same challenges often continue one, two or even five years after the divorce is completed. The higher the conflict during the divorce, the longer the recovery will take. The more time spouses spend in contested court battles during their divorce, the more likely they will continue to battle over modifications to orders after the final judgment is entered.

Many couples facing divorce have found an alternative to the high stress and high cost of a litigated divorce. Spouses who co-create their agreements through an out-of-court process such as mediation or Collaborative Divorce spend less time in court when compared to a litigate divorce, and experience far less stress. Often, they are able to work with a divorce coach, a trained mental health professional, who can help manage the anger, sadness, or frustration they experience.

Children also tend to recover faster when their parents are able to communicate well and act as a team in support of their children. This also adds up to fewer lost workdays because of stress, anxiety, child illness, or childcare challenges after the final divorce decree.

Human resource professionals are starting to recognize the advantages of Alternate Dispute Resolution for all civil matters faced by their employees, including divorce, and often recommend employees consider these methods for divorce and other legal issues.

As an employer, consider these options to help your valued employees navigate the difficult process of divorce:

  • Be sure your human resources personnel know about out-of-court divorce options. Are they versed in conflict resolution skills? Understanding the emotional and financial trauma is the first step in assisting a valuable employee through the divorce transition. Having the skills to acknowledge the hardship and refocus the employee so they are fully present during work hours requires training and education.
  • Mediation and Collaborative Practice groups offer general conflict resolution training. The skills taught in such programs are transferable to family conflicts, as well as interoffice conflicts, which can arise during the divorce process.
  • Many employers recognize the benefits of offering needed support for employees experiencing trauma through Employee Assistance Programs (EAP). EAPs often include referrals to mental health professionals and divorce lawyers. Does your EAP provider have knowledge about out-of-court divorce options? Can it provide a referral to a Collaborative Divorce practice group or family law mediators?
  • Collaborative Divorce, like mediation, is an out-of-court, solutions–focused process for completing a divorce. Because it is an out-of-court process, an employee can meet with their professionals outside of work hours including evenings and weekends.
  • The Collaborative Process is especially useful in high-conflict or more complex divorces typically taking two to three years to resolve through the court system. Most Collaborative Divorces are resolved within 12 months, and can cost far less than a comparable litigated courtroom case.
  • Divorce Options Workshops: These workshops are held in the evenings and weekends. A family law lawyer, divorce financial professional and a divorce coach present information about the divorce process, and answer general questions. Taking the mystery out of the divorce process itself reduces the anxiety and stress typically associated with an impending divorce. Some programs are offered at no cost while others charge a nominal fee.
  • Provide online resources such as:
    • International Association of Collaborative Professionals
    • Collaborative Practice California
    • Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County
    • Southern California Mediation Association

We all experience conflict in various aspects of our lives. The conflict can either escalate to the point of losing an employee, spouse, or friend, or it can strengthen those same relationships. It can mean the difference between a productive employee and happy customers or a company with a high employee turnover and a reputation for rude staff. Companies that support their employees during personal challenges like divorce will reap the benefits in terms of their bottom-line and their reputation.

Six Ways a Collaborative Divorce Supports Your Family Values

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by Bart Carey, Attorney/Mediator and Family Law Attorney
Law Office of Bart J. Carey, Mediation and Collaborative Family Law

Why do so many people behave so poorly when they separate and divorce? You know what I mean. As people choose to separate and divorce, as we get caught up in emotions and conflict, we say and do things that, in our everyday lives we’d never do or say.

Worse, this behavior is often condoned, counseled and/or supported by well-meaning family friends and even professionals. We fight for control or justification by speaking to and treating our children’s mother or father in ways we’d never condone under any other circumstance. We’d certainly never teach our children such behavior is acceptable, except they actually are learning from observing what we do.

This reality became personal for me when after a number of years as a litigator, I experienced my own divorce. I learned that divorce is not a legal process. It is a life experience.

As a life experience, I had to ask myself how I could square my own behavior with my values as a husband and father. Like many, I can’t say I was proud of everything I said and did.

A big part of the problem was the court process, which pitted parents against each other as adversaries in a win-lose fight while placing the decisions regarding their most precious treasures of their hearts in the hands of lawyers, judges and other professionals.

This experience launched me on a life and career changing journey: how to find, and offer my clients, a process that can be shaped to reflect their values:

  • A process in which spouses are supported and encouraged to work together, not against each other, to plan the family’s future while protecting their respective rights.
  • A process which allows the family to fashion a financial plan that provides for everyone’s needs yet still focuses upon the family’s goals and priorities.
  • A process which helps spouses address and manage their fears and emotions while still being able to choose to behave the way we would teach our children to behave, with respect and dignity for each individual.
  • A process that allows them to remain a family throughout and after the divorce process.
  • A process that supports and teaches co-parenting tools so they can better raise their children after transitioning to two households.
  • A process that supports parents to set a living example for their children of the values they have already worked hard to instill in them during the biggest crisis their family will likely ever face.

There is good news. Collaborative Divorce is that process. Review the information on this website for more information. The Collaborative Divorce process allows me to align my career with my personal values. You will find it a process which allows you to live up to your values.

Did I mention Collaborative Divorce can be easier on the pocketbook than a stressful, contentious litigated divorce, too?

The Most Important Decision You Will Make in Your Divorce

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by Brian Don Levy, Esq., Collaborative Attorney & Mediator

The case history: John first came to see me looking for an attorney to represent him in his divorce case in family court. This is the most important choice he will have to make in the entire divorce process: choosing the process for his divorce case.

As a firm believer in the Collaborative Divorce Process, we discussed why John should consider the Collaborative Divorce process, which is part of every initial divorce consultation – when I meet with clients – I discuss divorce process options.

John then disclosed he had already been in mediation with some of my legal colleagues. John’s wife, Mary, withdrew from the process. He was distrustful of the process and not inclined to give it another try.

In spite of John and Mary’s failure, I still believed the Collaborative Process would serve them well. Nearly a year later, the divorce case was successfully concluded through the Collaborative Process.

How did we make this work?

I suggested that this would be a different experience because we would build a more complete team of collaborative professionals. I also suggested that I would ask the team to implement a protocol of reducing each and every agreement to a Collaborative Stipulation & Order to be signed by the parties and submitted to the Court for a Judge’s signature, thus creating a safety net – if either party withdrew, there would be the underlying agreements that have become Court Orders, thus the failed history would not be repeated. John became enrolled in the process that I envisioned for him.

The Family

John is a successful and employed individual who works in the entertainment industry. Mary, his wife, lacks trust in John because of John’s history of drug abuse and failed attempts at sobriety.

John lacks trust in Mary due to her history of making agreements and refusing to honor them. Mary believes that John is not worthy of being a father to their five-year-old twins and cannot be trusted due to his history of serious drug use. John believes that Mary is smothering the children and won’t let go. John has been practicing sober living for approximately 18 months and believes that as long as he is willing to evidence his sober living, he should not be kept away from his children.

The Collaborative Divorce Team

The Collaborative Practice Professional Team consisted of two collaborative lawyers, a neutral financial professional, and three very strong mental health professionals – two serving as coaches for John and Mary, and one serving as the Neutral Child Specialist.

Our Professional Team relied upon each other time and again, and the channels of communications were constant and open. The final electronic file for this case contained nearly 1,300 Professional Team e-mails.

John and Mary both had their respective coaches, and the children had a gifted Neutral Child Specialist whom the team relied upon to keep the parents focused on their children to the greatest extent possible instead of the own individual agendas. The Professional Team worked diligently and often times conducted three-way telephone conferences to remove temporary impediments and roadblocks created by the parties. The very first time that Mary made an agreement on visitation and then refused to honor it, a series of teleconferences ensued late on a Friday afternoon, resulting in an honoring of the agreement and John’s first overnight with his children.

Our Working Agreements

Three process agreements were co-created and agreed to by the parties. John agreed that given his history, he had the burden of proving his sober living as a condition precedent to being an involved parent to his twin children. John submitted random urine tests twice a week to his coach, who then sent the results to the rest of the Professional Team members. The second protocol was that every agreement would be and was reduced to a collaborative stipulation and order that was filed with the Court, and became an enforceable court order. The Third team protocol was that the Professional Team exchanged their personal cell phone numbers and committed to be available to all Professional Team members as needed and dictated by the family problems as they occurred.

The First Crisis

After several months of negative random drug tests, John tested positive for opiates!

When confronted by his coach, he broke down and cried; swearing that he had not fallen and had not used any drugs. What to do? John’s Coach and lawyer, and Mary’s Coach agreed that before reacting to the “dirty test” the possibility of a false positive had to be explored first. The urine test was re-submitted for additional testing, and John was asked to take a hair follicle test. The hair follicle test and the re-test of the urine test both concluded that John had in fact continued on his path of sober living, and the prior positive test was in fact a false positive. Eventually, John was moved from twice a week random urine tests to quarterly hair follicle tests, then to every six months.

The Second Crisis

Mary fired her collaborative Lawyer, and John saw that she once again reneging on her commitment. As it turned out, Mary replaced her collaborative lawyer with another collaborative lawyer, and I was able to point out to John that in so doing, she evidenced her commitment to the collaborative process. Confidence was rebuilt quickly, trust was re-enforced, and we proceeded forward.

The Victory for the Children

As John moved through the process of providing proof of his sober living in an irrefutable manner, the team worked with Mary in making her more comfortable moving from John having very little contact with the twins to being a truly involved parent who enjoyed equal time share with the twins and lots of overnight visits. The children benefited from the more normal and less restricted contact with their father, and now enjoy having two parents and two homes to grow in.

The Victory for the Clients

John and Mary’s divorce case is finished. But the coping and negotiating skills both of them learned through their Collaborative coaches will always be with them and will serve them in many situations for the rest of their lives as they effectively co-parent their children.

The Victory for the Process

The process which was originally described as “failed” succeeded in a significant way in that this very high conflict and contentious case was successful after the collaborative team was assembled, an accurate and detailed assessment was made, and a plan for success was carried out by all of the Professional Team members.

Many other Collaborative Practice professionals believe cases with chemical or alcohol dependency are not well suited for the Collaborative Process. While that may or may not be true for all cases, this case demonstrates that each divorce case is unique. The essential ingredient for a successful Collaborative Law case is an initial in-depth assessment by the Professional Team so it can determine what the family dynamics require, and how to position the parties for success.

My experience on this team has been invaluable in my journey as a Collaborative lawyer, as well as serving as an impressive and hopeful example of what we can do together.

Recovering From the Fog of Divorce

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by Leslee J. Newman, CFL-S, Family Law Attorney

Members of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County had a wonderful opportunity to train with Vicki Carpel Miller and Ellie Izzo, Collaborative mental health professionals from Scottsdale, Arizona. Miller and Izzo discussed how people going through divorce are often in a “fog” of confusion and paralysis. Our job as competent and compassionate Collaborative professionals is to help each of the spouses to “recover” through what we hope will be a transformative process through Collaborative Practice.

How does this happen? By the use of a cohesive and skilled team of Collaborative professionals—attorneys, mental health, and financial professionals– who can alert you, educate you, and bring you out of the chaos and into the sunlight.  This can be done by identifying the different phases of transition and encourage the following stages of recovery:

Recovery Mode: Burned out, over stimulated. Trying to be productive is hard. Transition by focusing on the basics like adequate sleep, water, exercise, the comfort of friends, etc.

You have a little bit more energy but still hard to focus.  Start by creating new experiences in your life by meeting new people, learning something new, and reaching out to others you haven’t seen in a while.  Novelty will help to stimulate you

Work Mode: Start to fix, clean, organize and maintain.  The energy is starting to recover as you catch up with work and tasks that you’ve let slide.

Self Mode: Start to think about yourself, your values, beliefs, and interests.  Start to make decisions that are best for the long term even if those decisions are hard to make.

Flow Mode: By now you should have identified at least one interest that you are ready to pour your soul, time, and energy into developing something bigger than  yourself.

People Mode: Repair important relationships and have necessary and difficult conversations with friends, relatives, and colleagues.

Gold Mode: You’ve developed a positive outflow of energy as you have solidified goals, relationships, your work, and your values.  You are feeling much more resilient  and your energy to concentrate has been restored.  You are now open to switching modes when faced with future random events.

Have you faced a previous crisis in your life, or family transition like divorce, which led you from a “fog” to strength.  If so, please share.