I have represented many strong and successful men in divorces. The skill set which creates business success often does the opposite when seeking conflict resolution in a personal relationship.
Too often, men tend to handle negotiations in their divorce as they do in the boardroom. They become frustrated when their previously successful tactics do not work. Frustration often shows itself as anger, stubbornness, yelling, or complete withdrawal. The real obstacle to their successful divorce resolution is grief, or, rather, the failure to work through the grief.
Divorce is the second most traumatic event a person can experience, second only to the loss of a loved one. While there is plenty of information and support for women to work through the trauma of divorce, there is very little available to men. Why? Because “real men don’t cry.”
The reality: men do grieve the loss of their marriage, but their grief is expressed so differently it appears as aggression, arrogance, or as a complete lack of empathy to the untrained eye
by Jann Glasser, Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Coach/Psychotherapist, and Collaborative Coach
Fear of an uncertain future can stop us from doing great things, and it can keep us holding onto things and habits that are hurting us. The majority of people occasionally wonder what the future will be like. Whether we will be happy, whether we will have enough money, whether we will be healthy. But when you are contemplating, going through, or coming out of divorce, your anxiety over the future can be overwhelming and unbearable.
For some, future fears are about their children: whether their children will cope with or forgive them for the divorce.
Others question whether they will adjust to living alone, have enough money, or meet someone special who they can share and enjoy life with.
Some are concerned about how family, friends, colleagues, business partners and others will react to the news and whether their relationship with them will change.
Finally, there are those who are still in grief, dealing with the loss and questioning whether the pain, stress, frustration, guilt, sadness or resentment will ever pass.