Divorce Alternatives

CDSOC Members Honor and Remember Tracy McKenney

November 22, 2016 By CDSOC

Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County members share their remembrances of their colleague Tracy McKenney, former CDSOC Board President who passed away from cancer in September 2016.

“Tracy McKenney was always, smart, positive, with an uncanny ability to summarize and synthesize all thoughts on a collaborative team or in a Collaborative meeting.”

“Cannot think of Tracy without remembering her smile and her laugh. Professional and competent go without saying but her heart and the ability to reach out to touch the people she worked with. That was her gift and I will miss her.”

“Tracy was positive. She had a great laugh and was very helpful to her (and our) clients. I have come across people lately who she helped before and who she encouraged into a non-adversary process. Her children are her everlasting testament.”

“It still feels surreal. With Tracy’s sense of humor and sense of adventure. I still feel like she’s just away on one of those amazing trips. I still see and feel her in my everyday life. I still think she’s messing with me. Like the weekend after she passed, I met a couple named Scott and Tracy. That’s classic Tracy. She will always be with me.”

“Tracy always had a smile and was a happy person and a friend to her clients. She will be missed by many.”

“What Tracy imparted to me: Tremendous kindness to help professionally, generous time was spent to teach me about finances and a wonderful gift of laughter that always put a smile on my face and still does when I think of her.”

“Tracy was always happy. When she was around it was always fun! She will be missed by all of her friends rest in peace sweet Tracy.”

“Tracy was always happy and fun. The best laugh. We all loved her so much.”

“Tracy was the ultimate professional and gave her all to the collaborative team. This she did with kindness and humor. She leaves a large hole in our lives.”

“Tracy was someone so full of life and optimism, which of course makes it more of a loss. She was innovated and had a positive approach to everyone. She will be missed but her high energy will always be with us.”

“It is so hard to talk about Tracy in past tense. She was the true expression of an authentic person with the highest integrity. A great friend who I will dearly miss.”

“If compassion is the radicalism of the world today, as the Dalai Lama said, thru Tracy was the face of radicalism in our world. Her great intelligence, wit and humor were qualities we counted on, but the compassion brought peace in the midst of loss to so many of our clients. She was a rare and beautiful person who will always be a part of us.”

“Tracy embodied all that is human; compassion, professionalism, communication; dedication to leaving the world better than she found it. Tracy was extremely comfortable to be around, made you feel welcome with her infectious smile. She left an impression and her imprint on all she met. She will be remembered with a smile and love.”

“Tracy’s compassionate spirit lives on. She was a consummate peacemaker. Her infectious smile put everyone at ease. She was dedicated to ensuring that those going through divorce knew about peaceful options. She will be missed and remembered.”

“Tracy was always cheerful and very committed to helping people learn that they could settle disputes in a respectful and peaceful way. She was the most dedicated member of CDS when it came to educating the public about a better alternative to litigation. She was a wonderful colleague and a great human being.”

“For many years, I had the pleasure of working alongside of Tracy on the CDS Board, Roundtable and Divorce Options. She was a dedicated peacemaker. Her dedication has left behind some huge footprints to follow. As we were both neutral financial specialists, we never had an opportunity to work together on cases. However, we did used to meet and discuss the financials’ role and how to improve on the work we do. She will be missed. Rest in Peace and May God Keep His Arms around Tracy and her family.”

“I have had the pleasure of working with Tracy on 15 different Collaborative law teams starting back in 2009. I have also had the pleasure of working with Tracy on the Board of CDSOC for many years and as a trainer with CDEI. I came to know Tracy as a devoted peacemaker who continually modeled honest and integrity. She was consistently trustworthy, dependable and a commitment driven colleague and friend. She was devoted to all of the peacemaking process and helping families resolve their conflict out of court in a way that they were thoroughly educated on the financial component of their legal dispute. Tracy’s commitment to training for herself and other Collaborative professionals is also well documents and admirable. While I am glad that she is at peace and is no longer suffering, at the same time I am sad that the peacemaking community lost a valuable warrior. Rest in peace, friend.”

“As I embarked on my journey as a Collaborative professional, Tracy was always supportive, willing to help, talked me through things and shared her enthusiasm for the process. She was fun over drinks and a symbol of strength. She is missed.”

Your Six Different Divorce Alternatives

September 6, 2016 By CDSOC

by Leslee J. Newman, CFL-S, Family Law Attorney
Orange, California

1. Self-Representation (“Pro-Per”)

Both parties may consult with attorneys, but decide to represent themselves in or out of court. Both parties are ultimately responsible for the agreements and paperwork that goes to the court for filing including the final Judgment.

2. One-Party Representation

One party is represented by an attorney and the other is not. Generally, the party who has the attorney is responsible for drafting the paperwork, and the unrepresented spouse would get advice as to what he or she wants included in the final Judgment.

3. Both Spouses Have Representation

Both spouses have their own litigation counsel, and try to settle parts of the case through settlement discussion. If they are unable to settle some or all of the issues, the case goes to court for a judge to make the decisions for the spouses.

4. Mediation

Both spouses retain the same mediator who acts as their neutral facilitator and does not represent either party. Depending on the style of the mediator, and whether or not the mediator is an attorney, the spouses may have the benefit of being educated as to the law, available options, recommendations, and suggestions, etc. If the mediator is an attorney, there is the added advantage of accurate drafting of the court forms, and the Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage.

Because the mediator is a neutral party, the mediator encourages both spouses to consult and review the Judgment with other attorneys before signing. There is also a confidentiality privilege in the California Evidence Code, called the mediation privilege, which can help to protect the privacy of the mediation process. If the spouses are able to settle all of the issues of their case through mediation, they do not have any court appearances.

5. Collaborative Practice

The Collaborative Process features an integrated team of professionals. Each spouse retains their own Collaborative lawyer, and a divorce coach who is a mental health professional assisting with the communication, the emotion of the divorce, and helping to regulate the interaction between the parties. The neutral professionals on the team are a financial specialist (forensic or financial planner), and a child specialist, if there are minor children or adult children still living with the parents.

Through the Collaborative Process, the spouses and their professional team enter into a written agreement with the understanding that if the collaborative process breaks down before the entry of the Judgment or completion of the case, then the professional team, including the attorneys, are disqualified from going to court and continuing on the case. This process usually includes the privilege of confidentiality in the written stipulation to begin the collaborative case.

6. Cooperative Process

The cooperative process begins with an informal agreement between the spouses and their attorneys not to go to court, but to conduct settlement discussion and face to face meetings to settle the issues of the case. Unlike collaborative practice, however, the spouses and their attorneys are not disqualified from going to court if there are any issues that cannot be settled out of court.

How You Can Benefit from the Collaborative Practice Philosophy

April 9, 2016 By CDSOC

by Brian Don Levy, Esq., Collaborative Practice Attorney & Mediator

Social science research including the United States Census routinely reports that roughly fifty percent or more of all marriages end in divorce. Co-habitating relationships fail at similar rates. We expect same sex marriages to follow the same pattern statistically once enough time passes to gather the data over the next decade as well. Psychology Today reports that in 1990, fewer than one in 10 persons who got divorced was over the age of 50, while today one in four people getting divorced is 50 or older.

Since a certain amount of divorce is statistically inevitable, it is imperative we find better ways to facilitate the legal, financial, and emotional processing of a human experience through our civil systems. The emotional devastation that often occurs with the breakup of a relationship shouldn’t be a given. This is where Collaborative Practice lives.

Despite the jokes and eye-rolling over the term “conscious uncoupling,” actress Gwenyth Paltrow put her finger on a healthy modern attitude embodied within Collaborative Practice. Collaborative Practice is the process that provides a more respectful alternative to the destructive divorces we see too often when parties use the court system to end their marriage. Collaborative Practice is designed specifically around ways to minimize the hurt, the loss of self-esteem, the anger and the alienation that occurs in many traditional litigated divorces. It is also designed to support families in transition to take advantage of all of their healthy options and opportunities while building a better tomorrow.

The Collaborative Law approach is grounded upon making human dignity and respect a priority. Individuals may cease being partners, but they don’t cease being good people who deserve consideration. Nor do they cease being parents and part of a family unit after a divorce. Collaborative Practice has a firm grasp on this reality – When a divorce goes into a courtroom, the “winner take all” mentality inflicts damage and leaves pain in its wake, which takes a long time to heal at best, and may never heal at all at its worst. All of this ugliness takes place in a public forum, on the record and for all to see.

Every part of Collaborative Practice is intended to foster the respectful resolution of family problems. These intentions include open communication, interest based negotiations, solution focused negotiation, out-of-court settlement and no court divorce. When respect is given and received, self-esteem is likely to be preserved, making discussions more productive and a healthy and viable agreement more easily reached.

Collaborative Divorce allows the parties involved to find creative solutions that work for their unique situation, in a private and respectful setting. The parties are supported by a team who will help them learn the skills and techniques to work through problems and conflicts in a productive way. The future of the family is not determined by a judge who is a complete stranger to their circumstances.

The end of a marriage or relationship can be tragic in and of itself. Collaborative Practice believes that the process of divorcing shouldn’t cause or add to the pain and suffering, but rather should guide and support the clients and their children in achieving a respectful resolution of their issues, leading to a hopeful, healthy future.