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CDSOC

Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County

Connect With A Professional Today:
(949) 266-0660

  • The Collaborative Process
    • Overview
    • The Professional Team
    • FAQs
  • Find a Professional
    • Divorce Professionals
    • Professional Resource Members
  • Divorce Options
    • Upcoming Workshops
    • About Divorce Options
  • CDSOC Membership
    • Member Benefits
    • Join
    • Member Resources
  • About Us
    • About Us Overview
    • Our Mission
    • CDSOC Leadership
  • Events Calendar
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  • Contact

Divorce Options Workshops

The Divorce Options™ Workshop

January 23, 2019 By CDSOC

Marriage is supposed to last forever, but approximately half the marriages in California end in divorce.  Just as couples carefully plan their weddings, if divorce occurs, the dissolution process should be carefully researched and selected.

There are many choices to transition a family when a marriage ends.  One of the best ways to make an informed decision is with the assistance of the Divorce Options Workshop, a presentation which informs couples about all their divorce choices including mediation, collaborative divorce, court litigation, and self-representation.

Each Divorce Options Workshop features legal, financial, and mental health professionals who describe the different, interconnecting issues of divorce including the division of property, money, and the parenting of children.  Then with information acquired from the Divorce Options Workshop, individuals and couples can more intelligently and respectfully plan their divorce through the process which best suits them and their family.

Locally, in Orange County, the Divorce Options Workshop is presented through the Community Education program at Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa.  Information about the locations, dates, and times, of the Divorce Options Workshop is available on this CDSOC website, by contacting any of our members, or the Orange Coast College Community Education program.

Filed Under: Divorce Options, Events and Training, Self Help Divorce Tagged With: Divorce Options Workshops, Orange Coast College, Orange County

Learn Your Divorce Options at Spring Workshops

February 27, 2017 By CDSOC

Informative seminars help you learn about the different divorce processes

If you are struggling to find answers for your difficult questions about divorce, attend one of the Spring Divorce Options workshops offered by Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County.

The workshops take place at Orange Coast College, 2701 Fairview Road, Costa Mesa, California. The final date for spring 2017 is:

  • Thursday, April 20, 6 – 9 p.m.

Register online at the Orange Coast College website here (enter “Divorce Options” in the search box), or by phone at 714-432-5880, extension 1 (Monday – Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. only). For additional details, visit our Divorce Options page here. The seminar cost is $55 per person and includes all materials.

Our goal is helping people in a diverse range of situations. Divorce is difficult and stressful even under the best of circumstances. It can be especially hard if you have children or economic difficulties. Divorce affects people from all walks of life, and no two situations are alike.

We know from experience it IS possible despite challenges to preserve the emotional and financial resources of the family while respecting everyone’s needs during a divorce.

Led by volunteer attorneys, financial specialists, and mental health professionals who are members of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County, the workshop will cover the full range of choices couples have as they contemplate divorce, focusing on the non-adversarial, out-of-court options.

Getting answers to your tough questions at the next Divorce Options workshop will help you weather the storm.
Getting answers to your tough questions at the next Divorce Options workshop will help you weather the storm.

Divorce Options provides unbiased information about self-representation, mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigated divorce. The workshop deals with the legal, financial, family and personal issues of divorce in an informational and compassionate small group setting.

The Divorce Options program welcomes anyone thinking about divorce or other relationship transitions including co-habitating couples with children or LGBT couples looking for a process aware and respectful of their unique needs. Divorce Options offers useful information adaptable to a wide variety of family circumstances.

Topics include:

  • Litigation, mediation and collaboration – the risks and the benefits of each process
  • Legal, financial, psychological and social issues of divorce
  • How to talk about divorce with your children
  • Guidance from divorce experts

By learning about divorce and the different process options available you can maximize your ability to make good decisions during the difficult and challenging time. Divorce Options is a workshop designed to help couples take the next step, no matter where they are in the process. It identifies strategies to help you stay out of court, and helps you identify the social, emotional, legal, and financial issues that are most pressing for you.

Presented as a community service by the members of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County.

 

Filed Under: Child Custody, Child Support, Collaborative Divorce, Divorce and Emotions, Divorce and Money, Divorce Options, Mediation Tagged With: Alternative Dispute Resolution, CDSOC, Divorce Experts, Divorce Options Workshops, Financial Settlement, Orange Coast College

The Last Thing A Man Needs To Hear When He’s Going Through A Divorce

January 14, 2017 By CDSOC

by Diana L. Martinez Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator, Law and Mediation Office of Diana L. Martinez with Dr. Marvin Chapman, Collaborative Coach, LMFT

“Real men don’t cry,” right? BS!

I have represented many strong and successful men in divorces. The skill set which creates business success often does the opposite when seeking conflict resolution in a personal relationship.

Too often, men tend to handle negotiations in their divorce as they do in the boardroom. They become frustrated when their previously successful tactics do not work. Frustration often shows itself as anger, stubbornness, yelling, or complete withdrawal. The real obstacle to their successful divorce resolution is grief, or, rather, the failure to work through the grief.

Divorce is the second most traumatic event a person can experience, second only to the loss of a loved one. While there is plenty of information and support for women to work through the trauma of divorce, there is very little available to men. Why? Because “real men don’t cry.”

The reality: men do grieve the loss of their marriage, but their grief is expressed so differently it appears as aggression, arrogance, or as a complete lack of empathy to the untrained eye

To better understand what’s really influencing this behavior, we turned to Dr. Marvin Chapman, a military veteran, divorce coach and founder of United Fathers, for some answers.

When a man experiences the grief inherent in divorce, his stress comes from many sources. Some of them can include the following:

  • His role as provider and protector as he knows it is ending. Providing and protecting his family is now someone else’s business: the divorce court or perhaps a new partner. Either way, an overwhelming sense of helplessness engulfs many men.
  • He quickly realizes his role as a father, teacher, coach, and mentor to his child(ren) will soon be changing.
  • His self-esteem is challenged by allegations and accusations in papers filed with the divorce court, an entity he now sees as having intrusive control over his current and future life and livelihood.
  • He will quickly become overwhelmed by the legal process and requirements of going through the legal procedures totally and completely foreign to him, and therefore out of his control.
  • He sees his financial security threatened by legal fees, costs and expenses. Splitting one household into two households will cause extreme hardship and an expensive transition.
  • His status and standing in the community is changing, and not for the better unless he “fights it with all he’s got.” He must “win at all costs” if he wants to preserve what and who he is, or, at least, how he identifies himself.
  • He can’t show emotion and be weak. He must be strong, aggressive, and confrontational. Only weak men fall apart.

Most men do not see a divorce as the death of a relationship. They do not realize they are going through the grieving process. Men have no idea what to do with their feelings of pain, anguish, guilt, hurt, confusion, frustration, and a complete sense of being overwhelmed.

Then along come well-meaning family, friends, co-workers and others who want us to “feel better” or at least not so “confused.”  Their advice is the same today as it always has been:  “Man up!”

What can a divorcing man do to work through the grief and be the man he needs to be, for himself and his children? Grief needs to be addressed with time, patience, honesty, congruency, and support from someone willing to walk beside a man without judgment. This one person can acknowledge the pain and the life changes to come. It can be anyone, as long as it allows the grieving person to cut through the macho façade and find a safe place to be himself.

Male military veterans often say they feel safer in combat than after they return to civilian life because they know their buddies in arms always have their back. Divorce can be very isolating. More than ever, a voice of support, not judgment, is needed.

As a Collaborative lawyer and mediator, I have worked with many men in high stress careers. They are tremendously successful professionally, often because of the resources supporting them, including co-workers, employers, and employees.

But such successful business men frequently struggle in resolving their divorces. When working with a divorce coach, my clients can rely on a support team to help resolve challenging and personal conflicts in a way that promotes faster healing and productive parenting relationships (with the children and the other parent). It allows them to be the men they want and need to be for themselves and their families.

Everyone needs someone who has their back during difficult times in their lives, not to carry us through hardship but to give us the focus, encouragement, and resolve to do it ourselves and to do it right. Your coach, your buddy in arms, has your back, to help you keep your eyes wide open, and help you be the man and/or father you want to be.

Filed Under: Coaching, Divorce and Emotions, Family Issues, Mental Health Tagged With: Coping with Divorce, Diana Martinez, Divorce and Anger, Divorce and Grief, Divorce and Mental Health, Divorce and Parenting, Divorce and Trauma, Divorce Options Workshops, Dr. Marvin Chapman, Fathers and Divorce, Gender Differences, Legal Fees, Parenting Plan

Collaborative Divorce Featured in Stu News Laguna

July 21, 2016 By CDSOC

Stu News Laguna Headline

The effect of divorce on children and the benefits of the Collaborative Divorce approach were recently featured in the community news publication Stu News Laguna. Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County member Patrice Courteau was interviewed and provided her insight and expertise on lessening the negative effects of divorce on children, particularly teenagers who are not always considered as vulnerable as younger children.

Read the entire interview at this link to the publication online.

Collaborative Divorce Patrice Courteau in Laguna News

Filed Under: Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce and Emotions, Family Issues, Mental Health Tagged With: CDSOC, Divorce and Children, Divorce and Mental Health, Divorce and Teens, Divorce Options Workshops, Laguna Beach Divorce, News Release, Patrice Courteau

Discover Your Divorce Options in Orange County at July 20 Workshop

July 12, 2016 By CDSOC

Lessen the stress of divorce (Costa Mesa, California) – Divorce is difficult and stressful even under the best of circumstances. It can be especially hard if you have children. Divorce affects people from all walks of life, and no two situations are alike.

It is possible despite challenges to preserve the emotional and financial resources of the family while respecting everyone’s needs during a divorce. Learn about your alternatives at “Divorce Options.” The first “Divorce Options” workshop in Orange County takes place on Wednesday, July 20, from 6 to 9 p.m. at Orange Coast College, 2701 Fairview Road, Costa Mesa, California. To register for Divorce Options at Orange Coast College:  
Call (714) 432-5880  Extension 1 (Monday – Friday, 8:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m.)
– OR –
Visit the Orange Coast College website here, click on Search, then enter “Divorce Options.”

For additional information, call Divorce Options at (949) 266-0660 or email at collaborativedivorceOC@gmail.com 

Divorce Options provides unbiased information about self-representation, mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigated divorce. The workshop deals with the legal, financial, family and personal issues of divorce in an informational and compassionate small group setting.

Led by a family law attorney, financial specialist, and mental health professional who are members of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County, the workshop will cover the full range of choices couples have as they contemplate divorce, focusing on the non-adversarial, out-of-court options.

“People have so many questions about divorce and it’s difficult to get answers about the options for your personal situation,” said Tracy McKenney, CFP, CDFA and Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County president. “The Divorce Options program presents an opportunity for the public to learn about their choices and the resources available for a divorce process respecting the needs and interests of all family members. Becoming more knowledgeable can go a long way to ease the anxiety about your divorce, and allows you to take control of your future,” said McKenney.

McKenney said the Divorce Options program is useful to anyone thinking about divorce or other relationship transitions including LGBT couples or domestic partners with children looking for a process aware and respectful of their unique needs.

Topics include:

  • The risks and benefits of three models: litigation, mediation and Collaborative Divorce
  • The legal, financial, psychological and social issues of divorce
  • How to talk about divorce with your children – no matter their age
  • Guidance from legal, financial, and mental health experts

Gaining an understanding of the different process options available will help couples make good decisions during this difficult and challenging time. Divorce Options is a workshop designed to help couples take their next step, no matter where they are in the process. It identifies strategies to help couples stay out of court when feasible, and helps you identify the personal issues most pressing for you. There is no solicitation of business.

If you are interested in scheduling a Divorce Options workshop for your group or organization, contact us at 949-266-0660 to learn more. About Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County

Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County (CDSOC) was founded in 2003 to advise couples in Orange County and in Southern California about out of court options to traditional divorce litigation. Our group consists of experienced family law attorneys, licensed mental health professionals, and credentialed financial professionals, all of whom are specially trained in Collaborative practice, mediation, and conflict resolution. Working under the Collaborative Practice model, the result is a divorce guided with respect and compassion in a non-adversarial way so families can make the best possible decisions about their future.

CDSOC is online at https://cdsoc.com/, and Facebook.

Filed Under: Divorce Options Tagged With: CDSOC, Divorce Options Workshops, Orange Coast College, Orange County

The Cost of Divorce To Your Business

July 5, 2016 By CDSOC

by Diana L. Martinez Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator, Law and Mediation Office of Diana L. Martinez

Divorce takes an emotional, physical, and financial toll on spouses and their children. But the potential negative effects of divorce don’t stop with the family directly involved. They often spill out past the front door and affect many other people.

When a valued employee is going through the trauma of a divorce, the divorce can affect the entire workplace. The cost to employers can go well beyond absenteeism for a few days here and there to attend court hearings or meetings with the lawyers. Trying to accommodate the employer and the divorce process can prove challenging.

Courthouses are open only between 8:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Most lawyers’ offices are only open between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. While some lawyers can be more flexible, most judges and courts cannot. The higher the conflict in the divorce, the more court appearances and the more time spent with the lawyers and in court.

Additionally, less obvious costs include:

  • “Presenteeism”: The employee who is physically present at work, but unable to focus as a result of the divorce.
  • Employees wasting valuable work time talking with co-workers about their divorce.
  • An employee leaving work early due to anxiety attacks or illness related to stress.
  • Childcare difficulties when the employee can no longer depend on his/her spouse to cover such tasks.

A depressed or distracted employee can end up with impaired judgment which negatively impacts his or her overall job performance. It can lead to safety concerns, injuries, mistakes, and accidents.

In one example, a company’s manager was served with divorce papers two days before the company was to submit a binding bid on a three-year contract for the company’s products through a county bidding process. The employee did his best to balance work with the depression, anger, and fears he experienced due to limited time with his children and concerns about spousal support and child support. The manager submitted the binding bid with an error committed by the distracted employee in the bid. When the company’s bid was opened, it was the lowest bid by approximately 25 percent. The county accepted the bid and the company was forced to abide by it, losing hundreds of thousands of dollars for those three years.

Employers value their loyal and dedicated employees who produce high quality work year after year. But imagine the same kind of employee suddenly hemorrhaging money in legal fees, expert fees, and custody evaluations; or when the same employee is on medication for depression, or is receiving harassing phone calls or disruptions at work from an irate soon-to-be ex-spouse. Even the most understanding and patient employer is ill equipped to provide the safety or emotional support the employee really needs.

Unfortunately, in a worst-case scenario, this can cost the employer a truly valuable employee. It can cost the employee his or her job at the worst possible time, adding to his or her financial hardship and stress.

These same challenges often continue one, two or even five years after the divorce is completed. The higher the conflict during the divorce, the longer the recovery will take. The more time spouses spend in contested court battles during their divorce, the more likely they will continue to battle over modifications to orders after the final judgment is entered.

Many couples facing divorce have found an alternative to the high stress and high cost of a litigated divorce. Spouses who co-create their agreements through an out-of-court process such as mediation or Collaborative Divorce spend less time in court when compared to a litigate divorce, and experience far less stress. Often, they are able to work with a divorce coach, a trained mental health professional, who can help manage the anger, sadness, or frustration they experience.

Children also tend to recover faster when their parents are able to communicate well and act as a team in support of their children. This also adds up to fewer lost workdays because of stress, anxiety, child illness, or childcare challenges after the final divorce decree.

Human resource professionals are starting to recognize the advantages of Alternate Dispute Resolution for all civil matters faced by their employees, including divorce, and often recommend employees consider these methods for divorce and other legal issues.

As an employer, consider these options to help your valued employees navigate the difficult process of divorce:

  • Be sure your human resources personnel know about out-of-court divorce options. Are they versed in conflict resolution skills? Understanding the emotional and financial trauma is the first step in assisting a valuable employee through the divorce transition. Having the skills to acknowledge the hardship and refocus the employee so they are fully present during work hours requires training and education.
  • Mediation and Collaborative Practice groups offer general conflict resolution training. The skills taught in such programs are transferable to family conflicts, as well as interoffice conflicts, which can arise during the divorce process.
  • Many employers recognize the benefits of offering needed support for employees experiencing trauma through Employee Assistance Programs (EAP). EAPs often include referrals to mental health professionals and divorce lawyers. Does your EAP provider have knowledge about out-of-court divorce options? Can it provide a referral to a Collaborative Divorce practice group or family law mediators?
  • Collaborative Divorce, like mediation, is an out-of-court, solutions–focused process for completing a divorce. Because it is an out-of-court process, an employee can meet with their professionals outside of work hours including evenings and weekends.
  • The Collaborative Process is especially useful in high-conflict or more complex divorces typically taking two to three years to resolve through the court system. Most Collaborative Divorces are resolved within 12 months, and can cost far less than a comparable litigated courtroom case.
  • Divorce Options Workshops: These workshops are held in the evenings and weekends. A family law lawyer, divorce financial professional and a divorce coach present information about the divorce process, and answer general questions. Taking the mystery out of the divorce process itself reduces the anxiety and stress typically associated with an impending divorce. Some programs are offered at no cost while others charge a nominal fee.
  • Provide online resources such as:
    • International Association of Collaborative Professionals
    • Collaborative Practice California
    • Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County
    • Southern California Mediation Association

We all experience conflict in various aspects of our lives. The conflict can either escalate to the point of losing an employee, spouse, or friend, or it can strengthen those same relationships. It can mean the difference between a productive employee and happy customers or a company with a high employee turnover and a reputation for rude staff. Companies that support their employees during personal challenges like divorce will reap the benefits in terms of their bottom-line and their reputation.

Filed Under: Collaborative Divorce, Divorce and Money, Divorce and The Law, Legal Tagged With: Alternative Dispute Resolution, Business, Cost of Divorce, Diana Martinez, Divorce and Trauma, Divorce Options Workshops, Employee Benefits, Legal Fees

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