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CDSOC

Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County

Connect With A Professional Today:
(949) 266-0660

  • The Collaborative Process
    • Overview
    • The Professional Team
    • FAQs
  • Find a Professional
    • Divorce Professionals
    • Professional Resource Members
  • Divorce Options
    • Upcoming Workshops
    • About Divorce Options
  • CDSOC Membership
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    • Join
    • Member Resources
  • About Us
    • About Us Overview
    • Our Mission
    • CDSOC Leadership
  • Events Calendar
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  • Contact

Dr. Carol Hughes

Why Is Divorce So Stressful?

May 9, 2017 By CDSOC

by Dr. Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT

“There are few blows to the human spirit so great as the loss of someone near and dear.” ~ John Bowlby, M.D.

The Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale indicates that divorce is the second highest stressor for humans, second only to the death of a spouse.  Why is divorce so stressful?

When we view divorce through the lens of British psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby’s attachment theory, it helps us understand the reason why divorce is so stressful.  Attachment theory states that we humans have a biological predisposition to form attachment bonds (strong emotional ties) with significant others to have a secure haven and safe base where we can thrive and return for support and comfort during times of need, stress, and crisis.

Dr. Carol Hughes
Dr. Carol Hughes

We form these attachment bonds via our relationships with other human beings who are of primary importance to us.  Indeed, Dr. Dan Siegel, Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA Medical School, states, “Relationships are the most important part of our having well-being in being human.  It’s that simple.  And it’s that important.”

From birth to death, throughout the human life cycle, attachment bonds ensure our safety, security and even survival, and these emotional ties are strong and enduring.  It is understandable then that we humans tenaciously cling to our attachment bonds, both consciously and unconsciously.  Divorce disrupts and often destroys one of the most significant and powerful attachment bonds that we adults form – the bond with our marriage partner, thus also threatening the feelings of safety, security and survival this attachment bond has ensured.  As author Pat Conroy lamented, “The greatest fury comes from the wound where love once issued forth.”

The disruption and destruction of this powerful attachment marital bond become even more significant when we view each couple member’s psychological and physical health during and post divorce.  In the least case divorce causes the disruption and restructuring of the marital attachment bond and in the severest case, it causes the severing of the marital attachment bond, resulting in the attachment needs of the couple members no longer being met.  When this happens, the couple members have lost their secure haven and safe base where they can thrive and return for support and comfort during times of need, stress, and crisis.  They become more distressed and thus vulnerable to both physical and psychological stress, while at the same time being less able to deal with the stress and distress.

Researchers have consistently found that, except when compared to those in the most unhappy marriages, separated and divorced individuals suffer higher rates of physical and mental health concerns than married people in general, and often higher rates than widowed individuals.  In contrast, researchers have found that those in the unhappiest marriages often feel a sense of relief and hopefulness that their future can be happier apart from their spouse.

“Divorce is deceptive.  Legally it is a single event, but psychologically it is a chain – sometimes a never-ending chain – of events, relocations and radically shifting relationships strung through time, a process that forever changes the lives of the people involved.” – Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, Second Chances

The impact of divorce reaches far beyond the disruption, restructuring, and rupture of the marital attachment bond.  Divorce affects relationships in every aspect of the couple’s lives – the relationships with their children, both minor and adult, with extended family members, friend and community support systems, both in the present time and into the future.  As the author Pat Conroy wrote, “Divorce has many witnesses, many victims… Each divorce is the death of a small civilization.”

We know that grief is part of dealing with the excruciating loss that overwhelms us in death’s wake.  Grief is our response to this loss.  Divorce is the death of a marriage, the death of a couple or a family living together in one residence, often the death of extended family, friend, and community gatherings, the death of hopes, plans and dreams for the future.  Grief is the invisible companion of divorce.  Whether we are the one who is leaving the marriage, or the one being left, grief will be accompanying us on the journey called divorce.

Grief will also be the travel companion of our children, both minor and adult, our extended family members, and our friend and community support systems.  This grief is inevitable.  To many it is also invisible because most of us experiencing divorce, whether it is our divorce or the divorce of our parents, do not think of what we are experiencing as grief.  We most often say that we are feeling shocked, angry, sad and powerless, all of which are feelings that arise during grief.

During separation and divorce, both members of the couple are experiencing significant losses.  Yet both are often unaware of their invisible companion called grief.

It is common that the one leaving the marriage has already endured months and even years of agony, assessing whether to leave or stay.  For the one leaving, the divorce grief process began many months ago as he or she began thinking about less contact with the children, extended family, friends and community, the loss of and even longing for the happier days of the marriage, the possible loss of the family home and financial security, and the loss of hopes, plans, and dreams.  So, the one leaving has a head start in the grief cycle of divorce.

When the one leaving says, “I want a divorce,” the one being left is immediately catapulted into the grief cycle of divorce.  Often the one being left swings topsy-turvy through feelings of shock, deep hurt, intense sadness, anger, even rage, love and longing for the spouse and grieving the same losses as the one who is leaving the marriage.  All of these feelings are part of the grief cycle of divorce.

“Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.” ~ Author unknown

Researchers have also found that even when adults have experienced such losses, physical and psychological disturbances, and grief, after a period of time most adults cope successfully with divorce.

How can you best ensure that you are one of the adults who successfully cope with divorce?

Acknowledge that you are experiencing an overwhelmingly stressful life event.  Assess where you are in the divorce grief cycle.  Ask for professional assistance.  Work with a team of divorce professionals who are experienced in Collaborative Divorce and Mediation and who understand your needs as you move through this major life crisis.  These divorce options are confidential, out-of-court, non-adversarial and respectful.  They offer you the opportunity to identify your goals, interests and concerns and craft agreements that are both individual and family focused.

Filed Under: Coaching, Collaborative Divorce, Collaborative Practice, Divorce and Emotions, Mental Health Tagged With: Alternative Dispute Resolution, Divorce, Divorce and Anger, Divorce and Grief, Divorce and Mental Health, Divorce and Stress, Divorce Counseling, Divorce Recovery, Dr. Carol Hughes

Experts Contribute to Best Practices at Collaborative Practice California Conference

April 12, 2017 By CDSOC

Orange County Collaborative Practice professionals will share their expertise with colleagues in April at the annual Collaborative Practice California Conference XII in Redondo Beach.

Members of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County (CDSOC) are in demand as professional education panelists and seminar leaders throughout Fall 2017 due to their expertise and experience working with a diverse array of Orange County clients in the Collaborative approach to divorce.

“Many collaborative professionals are committed to continuing professional education in order to provide the best service to our clients,” said Dr. Carol Hughes, CDSOC member and workshop leader. “The annual conference of Collaborative Practice California is one venue for us to do this.

“We CDSOC members are honored to be contributing to the further growth of our Collaborative colleagues throughout the state. Ultimately, the reward is offering better options to clients who want to avoid the trauma, time and expense of a litigated divorce or other disputes,” added Dr. Hughes.

Collaborative Practice California presentations include:

Left to right: Cathleen Collinsworth, Carol Hughes, Bart Carey

Collaborative Family Lawyer and Mediator Bart Carey, Divorce Coach and Child Specialist Dr. Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT, and Financial Specialist Cathleen Collinsworth, CDFA™, MAFF™ will facilitate an advanced seminar titled “Grand Rounds for Collaborative Practitioners.”

The workshop format introduces the “Grand Rounds” concept used in the medical profession. A supervising physician-professor and small group of residents visit individual patients in their hospital rooms, diagnosing their symptoms and discussing together how best to help each patient through collaborative problem-solving.

In a similar way Bart, Carol and Cathleen will apply their expertise to analyze individual case challenges presented by participants. The team will “diagnose” and assess the symptoms and prescribe the best course of action.

As a result of the workshop, the attendees will learn how to analyze case challenges presented by their own clients, and then design and implement creative solutions on their behalf.

Collaborative family lawyer and mediator Diana L. Martinez will present a workshop on diversity and cultural issues in divorce.

Collaborative Family Lawyer and Mediator Diana L. Martinez, will co-present a seminar with other California Collaborative professionals discussing cultural competency in family law practice, “Becoming Culturally Competent and Ethically Responsible: Beyond Basics.” Professionals working with families going through divorce and separation need to increase awareness and skills to discern the complex aspects of culture, world views, and communication patterns of the families they interact with during the legal process.

Participants will also learn to identify sociopolitical aspects of racism, power and privilege, and how these may impact issues of trust and create barriers while navigating the legal process. Being able to empathize and navigate these challenges will lead to greater understanding of client needs and achieve a successful outcome without resorting to litigation.

Patrice Courteaum M.A., LMFT, Divorce Coach and Child Specialist

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Divorce Coach and Child Specialist Patrice Courteau, MA, LMFT, will participate in a panel discussion about effective Collaborative Practice outreach in a digital age.

Orange County families who are considering a Collaborative approach to their divorce can be confident in the guidance and qualifications of CDSOC members, who not only uphold high standards in their personal practice, but who are called upon to help California’s Collaborative professionals develop the highest standards in this area of family and civil law.

CDSOC members are available to speak to groups of professionals and to any interested organization or program about the Collaborative Practice approach to solving dispute in family law matters or any civil dispute instead of resorting to time consuming, costly litigation that destroys ongoing relationships. Contact CDSOC at 949-266-0660.

Filed Under: Coaching, Collaborative Divorce, Collaborative Practice, Divorce and Emotions, Divorce and Money, Divorce and The Law, Events and Training, Financial, Legal, Mental Health, Tips & Resources Tagged With: Brian Don Levy, Cathleen Collinsworth, Collaborative Practice California, CP Cal Conference, Diana Martinez, Divorce, Divorce and Children, Divorce Experts, Dr. Carol Hughes, News Release, Patrice Courteau, Practice Groups, Professional Development

Carol Hughes: Advice About Divorce and Adult Children

November 29, 2016 By CDSOC

Psychotherapist, Divorce Coach, Child Specialist, and Mediator Dr. Carol Hughes was recently featured on the website Bottom Line Inc., in the article “What To Do When Your Parents Divorce – And You’re Already a Grown Up.”

With the holidays ahead, Dr. Hughes explains what the adult children of divorced or divorcing parents need to know to respond to common situations, including:

  • Feelings of abandonment are normal, even for adult children
  • Divorcing parents may lean on adult children for support, and why it can hurt your OWN marriage
  • Divorce parents may battle each other through their adult children, causing conflict between parent and child, or among siblings
  • Old holiday traditions may be broken; consider establishing new holiday traditions
  • It’s normal and it’s OK to feel relieved about your parents’ divorce
  • Four ways divorcing parents can limit the fallout from their divorce for their adult children

The website Bottom Line provides wellness and wealth advice from experts, including Dr. Hughes.  Its approach offers “useful, expert, actionable information to help you navigate your world, saving time and money along the way.”

Read the entire article at this link.

 

Filed Under: Child Support, Coaching, Collaborative Divorce, Collaborative Practice, Divorce and Emotions, Family Issues, Mental Health Tagged With: Adult Children, Divorce, Divorce and Mental Health, Divorce and Parenting, Dr. Carol Hughes, Gray Divorce, Holidays

OC Collaborative Professionals Share Expertise at October 2016 Events

October 12, 2016 By CDSOC

Members of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County (CDSOC) are in demand as professional education panelists and seminar leaders throughout Fall 2016 due to their expertise and experience working with a diverse array of Orange County clients in the Collaborative approach to divorce.

Full trials are becoming increasingly rare in family law. With no relief in sight for underfunded, impacted courts in California, trials can take years to set and families can face exorbitant costs and fees. Clients are demanding alternatives to expensive protracted court battles. As a result, good negotiation skills are now absolutely critical for family law practitioners.

“Our member professionals are considered so knowledgeable in their fields, they are called upon not only to properly educate clients, they also train and educate other professionals to ensure the highest levels of ethics and competence,” said Dr. Carol Hughes, CDSOC member who will be among the lecturers at meetings this fall.

“Orange County families who are considering a Collaborative approach to their divorce can be confident in the guidance and qualifications of our members, who not only uphold high standards in their personal practice, but who are called upon to help Collaborative professionals across the United States in developing the highest standards in this area of family law,” added Dr. Hughes.

Collaborative Practice professional education presentations include:

Attorney Diana L. Martinez will join a four member panel to discuss cultural competency in family law practice in a live webinar format hosted by the State Bar of California Family Law Section on Thursday, October 27, from 12 noon to 1:30 p.m. Visit https://calawyers.org/section/family-law/ to learn more and to sign up for the presentation.

Diana L. Martinez and divorce coach Dr. Carol Hughes will discuss “Effective Collaborative Practice” at the State Bar of California’s Family Law Conference 2016 at the Mandalay Beach Resort in Oxnard, California on Friday, October 21. This introduction emphasizes assessing potential cases for appropriateness; training and education; professional team expectations, protocols, and understanding of professional roles; educating clients; and ethically and responsibly assisting clients in a Collaborative Divorce process.

 Divorce coaches Dr. Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg, financial professional Cathleen Collinsworth, and family law attorney Brian Don Levy, Esq. will present a panel discussion titled “How Interdisciplinary Teams Bring Clients to Agreement Readiness” at the 17th annual meeting of the International Association of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) in Las Vegas, Nevada on Thursday, October 27.

For professionals with interest in learning more about any of these presentations, please visit the CDSOC Events Calendar page here.

 

 

Filed Under: Collaborative Practice, Divorce and The Law, Divorce Options, Events and Training Tagged With: Bruce Fredenburg, CDSOC, Collaborative Practice Education, Diana Martinez, Dr. Carol Hughes, Family Law, MCLE, News Release, Professional Development

Tips for Talking With Young Children About Your Upcoming Separation or Divorce

April 26, 2016 By CDSOC

by Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT

Note: To avoid the clumsiness of using “child/children,” “children” is intentionally used throughout this article

It is clear you care about doing the best you can for your children through the separation and divorce process, because you are reading this article. Give yourself permission not to be perfect. No one is. Remember to keep taking slow, deep breaths. You and your children will get through this difficult time.

Consider the following tips to help you prepare to talk with your minor children.

Agree on a time when you and your spouse can talk with your children together. Siblings need the support system they can provide each other. Divorce is a major life crisis for all family members and should be treated as such. Ideally, it is best to share the news with your children when they will have adequate time to absorb what you will be telling them; for instance, when they do not have to go back to school in a day or two after hearing the news.

Plan your presentation to your children in advance. Make some notes about what you plan to say and review them so that you are familiar with what you intend to say. Anticipate what they may say to you. You can have the notes in front of you, if you wish, and simply say, “We have made some notes because what we are going to be talking about is very important for all of us and we don’t want to forget anything.”

Remember that your children will likely be in emotional shock after you tell them your intentions to end your marriage and they will not be able to absorb everything you say this first time. Be prepared to have the same conversation with them numerous times. Their shock and grieving will interfere with them being able to fully take in all that you are sharing.

Tell them that the two of you have decided to end your marriage and live in different homes because you have adult problems between you that you haven’t been able to resolve. Avoid using the word “divorce” because it is laden with negative connotations. Assure your children this is NOT THEIR fault. Children often automatically assume responsibility for family issues.

Reassure your children you love them, you will always love them and you will always be their parents. Avoid saying that you don’t love each other any more. Children then think perhaps their parents could stop loving them one day as well. This unsettles them and the stable foundation having two loving parents provides.

Avoid blaming each other. This is the time for the two of you to show a united front to your children. This news will shatter their view of their family as they have known it. Blaming each other puts them in the middle of your pain and conflict, causes them to experience divided loyalty and feel they need to choose sides, as well as feel guilt for loving both of you. Children often report they hate being put in this position and feel each parent was attempting to form an alliance with them against the other parent.

Tell them what is going to remain the same. Tell them that you are all still family, you will always be their parents and you will always love them. Explain you will be amicable so you can both attend their activities and family gatherings and not create tension for them, other family members or their friends. Explain your living situation (who is staying in the family home, etc.). Describe what will remain the same (school, activities, etc.). Assure them that they will continue to have the emotional support of both parents in the newly restructured family.

Next, tell them what is not going to remain the same. Tell them if you both will be moving into new homes. If feasible, involve them at the appropriate time, for example, once you have narrowed your choices down to two options. It’s important to be neutral and factual. Resist being a victim or martyr. It will only make children feel guilty and angry at their other parent.

You are still their parents. It is your job to put their feelings above yours and provide them with the support they need to hear, feel and understand what you are sharing with them. Acknowledge the announcement is a shock and their feelings (anger, sadness, grief, shock, etc.) are normal. Focus on and be empathetic with THEIR feelings. Don’t talk about your feelings, (how you haven’t been happy for years, how you deserve to be happy). Having just received such painful news, they will be unable to express their happiness for you, and it is unreasonable for you to expect them to do so. Remember, their familial foundation has just been rocked and their family history is being rewritten. They are losing their world.

Tell them that you still believe in family and that you hope they will too. Tell them that you don’t expect them to take care of you emotionally or physically. This is your job, not theirs.

Avoid telling them that you stayed together or delayed restructuring your family because of them. This will make them feel guilty for your unhappy marriage. Depending on their ages, your children may recall their childhood memories and wonder: ‘What was real and what wasn’t real? Were you really happy on those family vacations?’ Divorce destabilizes the family system and inevitably shakes every family member’s perception of their past, their present and their future.

Assure your children this is a process for all of you to move through, at your own pace and in your own way. Assure them you will always love them and you will always be there for them in whatever ways will be most helpful to them. You want them to know that they aren’t alone so they don’t become isolated and depressed. Encourage your children to speak with a counselor or youth pastor about their feelings. Tell them you have spoken with or intend to speak with a counselor as well, to talk about your feelings.

Take advantage of the Child Specialist available to you and your children as part of the Collaborative Divorce process to give your children a safe, healthy outlet to express themselves and begin the journey toward a positive, happy future.

Filed Under: Child Custody, Child Specialist, Child Support, Coaching, Collaborative Divorce, Divorce and Emotions, Family Issues, Mental Health Tagged With: Communication, Divorce, Divorce and Children, Divorce and Families, Divorce Recovery, Dr. Carol Hughes, Family Law Attorney, How to Tell, Parenting Plan

How to Talk About Your Divorce With Your Adult Children

April 23, 2016 By CDSOC

by Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT

One of the most difficult steps in the divorce process is talking about your decision with your adult children. It may feel like admitting a failure, or letting them down.

Divorce is a major life crisis for all family members and should be treated as such, even when your children are no longer “kids.” Children who are adults when their parents divorced consistently report years later the news of their parents’ divorce “rocked the very foundation” of their world.

You are making a good start and doing the best you can. You are reading this blog post. Give yourself permission not to be perfect. No one is perfect. Breathe deeply; you and your children can get through this difficult time together. These tips will help guide you through this process.

  1. Schedule a time when you can speak with your children together and preferably in person. Siblings benefit from the support system they can provide each other. When you are scheduling the time to talk, tell them you have something important to discuss with them. Assure them no one is sick or dying. If they ask you what you want to talk about, tell them you prefer to discuss it in person when you are together.

If it isn’t possible to speak in person, schedule a time to speak via Skype, Face Time or another video chat program. Avoid telling them via telephone and especially resist the temptation to communicate via email. It is too impersonal.

  1. Plan your presentation to your children in advance. Make some notes about what you plan to say and review them so you are familiar with what you intend to say. Anticipate what they may say to you. You can have the notes in front of you, if you wish, and simply say, “We have made some notes because what we are going to be talking about is very important for all of us and we don’t want to forget anything.”

Remember your children will likely be in emotional shock after you tell them your intentions to end your marriage. They will not be able to absorb everything you say this first time. Be prepared to have the same conversation with them multiple times. Their shock and grieving will interfere with them being able to fully take in all that you are sharing.

  1. Explain the two of you have decided to end your marriage because you have problems between you have not been able to resolve. Avoid using the word “divorce” because it is laden with negative connotations.
  1. Avoid blaming each other. This is the time for the two of you show a united front to your children. Remember this news will shatter their view of their family as they have known it for many years. Blaming each other puts them in the middle of your pain and conflict, causes them to experience divided loyalty and forces the impression they need to choose sides, as well as feel guilt for loving both of you. Adult children report they hated being put in this position and feeling that each parent was attempting to form an alliance with them against the other parent.
  1. Tell them what will remain the same. Tell them that you are all still family, you will always be their parents and your intention is to be amicable so that you can both attend family gatherings and not create tension for them and their significant others. If they are still in college, tell them if you will be continuing the financial arrangements you have had in place. Tell them if one of you intends to stay in the family home. Assure them they will continue to have the emotional support of both parents in the newly restructured family.
  1. Tell them what will not remain the same. You may be unable to continue the financial arrangements you had regarding college. You may intend to sell the family home. If you are helping them pay off college loans and won’t be able to continue doing so, inform them. Assure them you will do everything possible to assist them financially, as you have in the past, while at the same time acknowledging there will be some economic impact as the family restructures. It’s important to be neutral and factual. Resist being a victim or martyr. It will only make them feel guilty or angry at their other parent.
  1. Remember, no matter how old your children are, you are still their parents. It is your job to put their feelings above yours and provide them with the support they need to hear, feel and understand. Acknowledge you realize the announcement is a shock and their feelings (anger, sadness, grief, shock, etc.) are normal. Focus on and be empathetic with THEIR feelings. Don’t talk about your feelings, e.g., how you haven’t been happy for years, how you deserve to be happy, etc. Having just received such painful news, they will be unable to express their happiness for you, and it is unreasonable for you to expect them to do so. Bear in mind their familial foundation has just been rocked and their family history has been rewritten. They have become members of the “lost nest” generation. There will be no “family nest” to return to at the holidays.
  1. Tell them you still believe in family and you hope they will too. This doesn’t mean that they will not be able to having a strong and happy relationship. Tell them you don’t expect them to take care of you emotionally or physically. This is your job, not theirs. Tell them you have, or plan to have, your own support system separate from them and you want them to establish a support system for themselves as well.

Online groups for adult children whose parents are divorcing can be helpful. The books “A Grief Out of Season: When Your Parents Divorce in Your Adult Years,” and “The Way They Were: Dealing with Your Parents’ Divorce after a Lifetime” (both available via Amazon.com with excellent reviews) will help them realize they are not alone.

  1. Avoid telling them you stayed together or delayed restructuring your family because of them. This will make them feel guilty for your unhappy marriage. They will recall their childhood memories and wonder: ‘What was real and what wasn’t real? Were you really happy on those family vacations? Has my whole life been a sham?’ Divorce destabilizes the family system and inevitably shakes every family member’s perception of their past, their present and their future.
  1. Assure them that this will be a process for all of you to move through, at our own pace and in your own way. Assure them you will always love them and you will always be there for them in whatever ways will be most helpful to them. You want them to know they aren’t alone so they don’t become isolated and depressed. Encourage them to speak with a counselor about their feelings. Tell them you have spoken with or intend to speak with a counselor as well, because you have learned the end of a marriage is a major life stressor for all family members, second only to the death of a loved one. This too shall pass.

 

Filed Under: Child Support, Collaborative Divorce, Collaborative Practice, Divorce and Emotions, Divorce and Money, Family Issues Tagged With: Adult Children, Communication, Divorce, Divorce Agreement, Divorce and Families, Dr. Carol Hughes, Family Law Attorney, Gray Divorce, How to Tell

Teamwork is the Key to Success in Collaborative Divorce

April 2, 2016 By CDSOC

by Dr. Carol Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT

Clients often wonder how working with a team of professionals will benefit them when moving forward with the Collaborative Process for their divorce. Even experienced practitioners sometimes fail to understand how all professionals on an interdisciplinary team can assist and support clients, even high-conflict clients, to become “Agreement Ready.”

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Dr. Carol Hughes, family law lawyer Diana L. Martinez, and financial specialist Cathleen Collinsworth offer recent findings from neuroscience showing how working in teams can assist clients resolve even their most difficult conflicts at the upcoming Collaborative Practice California (CP Cal) “Celebration XI” Conference in Redwood City, California April 29 – May 1.

Dr. Hughes says the training is designed for all practitioners who want to continue evolving their ability to assist clients with the powerful tools provided through the Collaborative Process. Participants will learn techniques for assisting clients:

  • Identify and develop the clients’ ‘Key Elements of Agreement’ that avoid being too specific or too vague and therefore of no value.
  • Identify and develop the clients’ ‘Questions To Be Answered’ relative to their ‘Key Elements of Agreement.’
  • Develop ‘Options for Resolution’ that are both individually and family-centric interest based.
  • Evaluate their ‘Options for Resolution’ and co-create their Agreements.
  • Develop the necessary skills to support their interdisciplinary professional team members in the Agreement Readiness process.

From the inception of a case, interdisciplinary teams of lawyers, neutral financial specialists, divorce coaches and neutral child specialists can employ tools and techniques to shift clients toward Agreement Readiness. By doing so, a team can save client costs and facilitate better outcomes through more durable divorce agreements for the entire family involved.

Presenters (left to right) Dr. Carol Hughes, Cathleen Collinsworth, and Diana L. Martinez of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County.
Presenters (left to right) Dr. Carol Hughes, Cathleen Collinsworth, and Diana L. Martinez of Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County.

“Our goal in the end is to educate our prospective clients that the goal of the Collaborative Process is reaching a final agreement each party can ‘live with,’ one that provides clarity and substantive closure for each of them,” said Dr. Hughes. “The agreement must also reflect their values and goals, no one else’s including the professional team’s goals.”

Dr. Hughes said it is important for each Collaborative team member to develop the necessary skills to support their clients. But what is often forgotten is the importance of learning how to develop similar skills to provide support among the professional team members as they work together to move the Collaborative Divorce case through the Agreement Readiness process.

“Just as it is critically important for the team members to work together to support their clients, we need to work together to support each other and allow the unique value that each professional from the three disciplines brings to their Collaborative Divorce team to flourish,” said Dr. Hughes. “This helps us educate clients about the pivotal role of each member in facilitating cost effective outcomes and durable agreements.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Coaching, Collaborative Divorce, Collaborative Practice, Divorce and Money, Family Issues Tagged With: Agreement, Cathleen Collinsworth, CDSOC, Collaborative Practice California, Diana Martinez, Divorce Agreement, Divorce and Families, Divorce Financial Professional, Dr. Carol Hughes, Family Law Attorney

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